These are completely fictional stories, any resemblance to a person real or unreal is a coincidence. If you are offended by any of these stories, stop surfing the internet and find something more valuable to do with your life.

Click on the story you would like to read.
The Battery Nightmare: The Battery Bunny takes it's revenge.
The Jitney Transaction: Three kids steal a bus and drive cross country.
Pink Elephants: What too much smoking can do to you.
The Daily Grind: A coffee lovers quest for happiness.
The Goldfish Story: Trauma at a young age.
Hunger Break: Mmm, donuts.
1998: Best memories of nothing.
The Guns of Brixton: I heart the Clash.

The Battery Nightmare

An original story written by:

Debra Cantú

Scene 1: The Local Drug Store

David J. and Vandra Elise are shopping at the local drug store.

DAVID J.: (carrying a quart of motor oil, a bottle of aspirin and a bag of potato chips) I need new batteries. The ones n my flashlight don't work anymore. I tried for about two hours to turn it on before I realized that the batteries were dead.

VANDRA ELISE: (carrying bottles of contact lens solutions) Dead batteries would have occurred to me right away.

DAVID J.: Well I guess I'm not that bright. (looking at the batteries) Let's see, what brand should I buy? How about the copper top kind? I've heard that nothing lasts longer.

VANDRA ELISE: I would get the bunny brand, they keep going and going and going.

DAVID J.: (with astonishment) Six dollars! No way! How about these ones with the cat on them? They look okay, and they only cost three dollars.

VANDRA ELISE: That brand really sucks, you'll be able to turn your flashlight on maybe once, and they'll run out. The bunny brand is the best, they keep going and going and going. And they have the battery tester to check their energy level.

DAVID J.: All batteries are the same. Besides I'm not going to spend six dollars on flashlight batteries.

VANDRA ELISE: Okay, but don't say that I didn't try to warn you.

(The two walk over to the checkout line)

CASHIER: Is this all?

DAVID J.: Yes.

CASHIER: That will be eight dollars and twenty-two cents.

DAVID J.: (gives the money to the cashier) Thanks.

CASHIER: Have a nice day.

VANDRA ELISE: (puts her stuff on the counter, addresses David J.) Wanna go get some coffee?

DAVID J.: Extingui-Sher.

CASHIER: That will be ten dollars and fifteen cents.

VANDRA ELISE: (pays the cashier) Thank you muchly.

David J. and Vandra Elise exit.

Scene 2: Car and Apartment

David J. and Vandra Elise get in David J.'s car, a sky blue diesel convertible Rabbit, and drive off. Vandra Elise, in the passenger seat, turns on the radio. The song December 1963 (Oh ! What a Night) by Frankie Vallie and The Four Seasons comes on. Instantly, Vandra Elise turns the volume up and the two start car dancing.

VANDRA ELISE: This song kicks so much ass!

DAIVD J.: I know, I love this song. Do you gotta go home right away or do you want to come over for awhile?

VANDRA ELISE: I guess I could hang a bit longer.

DAVID J.: Coolness. I can show you my latest painting. I need your opinion for a title.

The two arrive at David J.'s apartment building, they walk up to the second floor and enter apartment 215.

VANDRA ELISE: Your roommate isn't here is he?

DAVID J.: No, Hunter won't be back until later he went to some concert in the city last night and stayed over. (pointing to the easel) This is my latest masterpiece, what do you think?

VANDRA ELISE: It makes me feel very cold and lonely. What were you going for? Isolation?

DAVID J.: Something like that. (opening the bag of potato chip) Want some chips, they have ridges?

VANDRA ELISE: Ohhh, my favorite. I think chips taste better if they have ridges.

DAVID J.: (digging through the shopping bag and putting stuff away) Interesting philosophy, weren't you the one that had the theory about beverages tasting better in wax cups? My batteries, that's right. Where's my flashlight? (looking around his room) Ah ha! Fresh batteries. (turning on the flashlight) See these batteries work fine, I'm blinding you with the intense light! (shining the light into her eyes) I knew it wasn't worth it to spend two extra dollars on the bunny brand.

VANDRA ELISE: All I said was that the bunny kind lasted a lot longer than the cat kind.

DAVID J.: All batteries are the same, besides cats have nine lives don't they?

VANDRA ELISE: Whatever you say of wise sultan (imitating worship motions) I gotta get going, (gathering up her stuff and getting ready to leave) I need to finish my article for the paper then, me and-

DAVID J.: (interrupting) and you and a dog named boo?

VANDRA ELISE: (singing) travel and live off the land? No, Vic and I are supposed to grocery shopping tonight. Too bad I only have about seventy five cents.

Vandra Elise exits.

Scene 3: Myths

David J. is in his room painting and singing to whatever song comes on the radio when his roommate comes home.

DAVID J.: (dancing and singing along to You Really Got A Hold On Me by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles which is playing on the radio)

HUNTER: Hello?! (enters with a sour look on his face due to the smell of wet paint)

DAVID J.: (comes out of his room) Hey Hunter, how was the show? Did you jump into the mosh pit?

HUNTER: It was all right, I don't remember too much of it though. (with a scrunched up nose) What are you up to it reeks in here? Did you attempt to cook again?

DAVID J.: No, I was painting a new 'Picasso'. Do you know where my mythology book is? I was trying to remember the name of that chick that stole a pomegranate and was taken into the underworld.

HUNTER: What chicken?

DAVID J.: (with frustration) No, duh, you know that rich girl that stole fruit from the devil or someone and was caught. Then the devil wanted to keep her locked up in hell for the rest of her immortal life, but her father was rich and tried to pay him off.

HUNTER: Really? Then what?

DAVID J.: Well supposedly, she was released for part of the year because, she was like the goddess of gardening and I guess the population would like cease if she wasn't around, then the people in hell wouldn't have anyone to torture. So she was released for part of the year to grow food and plants and stuff, but she had to spend part of the year in hell too. Anyway that's why Earth has winter, cuz this chick is in hell for part of the year and plants won't grow without her.

HUNTER: Hmmmmmmm. So what was the question again? (walking over to the refrigerator)

DAVID J.: I was trying to remember her name.

HUNTER: Oh. Umm..(suddenly, with sarcasm) Petunia!

DAVID J.: Petunia? Where the hell did that come from?

HUNTER: Well, that kind of makes sense, Petunia is a name of a plant isn't it? (taking a bite out of a cheese wedge)

DAVID J.: Never thought of it that way. I don't think it was Petunia though. Have you seen my mythology book around at all?

HUNTER: (talking with his mouth full) No, I think you put it in the storage area.

DAVID J.: That's what I'm thinking. Wanna venture down to the depths of doom with me?

HUNTER: Sure, but bring a flashlight cuz the light burnt out down there and the damn landlord hasn't fixed this rathole yet.

David J. goes to his room and gets his flashlight.

DAVID J.: We are in luck today, not only do I know exactly where my flashlight is but, I also got brand new batteries. (in a booming narrative voice) Come, let us tackle the uncharted territory of the storage area.

HUNTER: Have you been watching the Sci-Fi channel again? If the storage area is uncharted, then how did your crap get down there?

DAVID J.: You just have to ruin my moment of creative drama don't you?

HUNTER: Hurry up and let's get your damn book. I'm starving, I want to get something to eat.

The two head downstairs in search of truth in mythology. They approach the storage area door.

HUNTER: Turn your fucking flashlight on already, I can't see anything.

DAVID J.: Just wait (turning on the flashlight, the bulb barely lights up)

HUNTER: I thought you got new batteries, what did you buy the generic kind? My watch gives off more light than that thing.

DAVID J.: (angrily) Yes, okay. I'm a cheapskate that didn't want to buy batteries with fuzzy pink bunnies on them. (mumbling) Stupid rabbit, all batteries are the same. I don't understand the whole rabbit that keeps going. I mean rabbits aren't immortal or anything, they die eventually. So how can they keep going and going? And what's the deal with the drum? Rabbits and drums. That doesn't make any sense. I am never going to buy those damn batteries ever.

The two walk down the dark hallway.

HUNTER: Which one is ours? I don't remember. I don't even know what crap I have down here. Think they are rats down here?

DAVID J.: I don't know maybe. Why? Are you scared of rats or something?

HUNTER: (defensively) No! If I saw a rat, I'd smash it with my boot heel and smear it all over the floor. I was just wondering because I thought I heard a noise. (with sarcasm) Too bad there isn't enough light for me to see anything.

DAVID J.: Stop with light thing already.

(a rustling noise is heard)

HUNTER: Did you hear that? (stops moving and waits and waits to hear the noise again) I knew there were rats down here. God damn rats crawling all over my stuff leaving defecation everywhere. They better not have chewed up any of my thing.

DAVID J.: I don't hear anything.

HUNTER: There it is again. Just listen and you can hear those little rodents moving around.

DAVID J.: (impatiently) I don't hear anything. Quit being paranoid besides I think this is our cage.

HUNTER: Finally. What are looking for again?

DAVID J.: My mythology book. (digging in his pocket)

HUNTER: Why don't you keep it on a shelf or a coffee table like normal people would? Who stores books? People store stuff like bikes, cars or several recreation equipment, not books. (his stomach makes a loud rumbling sound) I am so hungry. Where are we going to eat after this? Cuz I heard of this new place on Brady Street and I guess the food is really good. Maybe we could go there.

DAVID J.: (frantically checking his pockets over and over) Actually I told Vandra Elise (handling th flashlight to Hunter) she could come over and watch Grease! Tonight so maybe we could just order pizza. Did I give you the key?

HUNTER: No, I didn't know Grease! was on tonight. (losing patience) Will you unlock the gate already I want to eat!

DAVID J.: I can't find the key, are you sure I didn't give it to you? Check your pockets.

HUNTER: (pulls his pockets out flamboyantly) See dumbass, you didn't give me the key. I can't believe you forgot it.

DAVID J.: Well you should have reminded me. I cant' remember everything, besides I brought the flashlight.

HUNTER: Oh yeah a big help that turned out to be. I knew all those paint fumes would get to you. I told you over and over open a window, but no..

DAVID J.: (interrupting) Shut up and go get the key.

HUNTER: Why should I go get the key? It's your damn book we're looking or anyway. You go get the key.

DAVID J.: You're the one who's scared of rats.

HUNTER: I'm not scared of rats.

DAVID J.: Then wait here and I'll go.

HUNTER: No way!

DAVID J.: Paper, scissors, rock?

HUNTER: Deal.

The two are heard saying paper, scissors, rock. Hunter loses and mumbles as he retreats back upstairs. He purposely stomps his feet on the staircase. David J. retains the flashlight.

DAVID J.: (getting bored he start to sing and uses the flashlight as a microphone) We've got sunlight on the sand, we've got moonlight on the beach, we've got mangoes and bananas you can pick right off the tree, we got volley ball and ping pong and a lot of dandy games, what ain't we got, we ain't got dames?.

Scene 4: The Search

Meanwhile, Hunter is back at the apartment looking for the key.

HUNTER: Damn key, where the hell are you?

A knock is heard at the door.

HUNTER: The door's open!

Vandra Elise enters.

VANDRA ELISE: Hello Hunter, is David J. around?

HUNTER: (opening the drawers in the kitchen looking for the storage key) I guess he's around here somewhere. Why?

VANDRA ELISE: (still standing in the doorway) We're supposed to watch Grease! on TV tonight.

HUNTER: (still searching) Oh that's right (suddenly) Stranded at the drive-in, branded a fool, what will they say, Monday at school?

VANDRA ELISE: (giving Hunter a strange look) I had no idea that you liked Grease! So where is David J., I already ordered a pizza for us.

HUNTER: Good cuz I'm so hungry. You haven't seen a key around here have you?

VANDRA ELISE: A key?, no where is David J.?

HUNTER: The dumbass is in the storage cellar. I was helping him look for some book, but we got downstairs and he realized that he forgot the key. So I came to look for it, and I can't find it.

VANDRA ELISE: Check David J.'s sock drawer, he puts everything he wants to keep hidden in the sock drawer. He's so predictable, I bet you anything that's where it is. Just check.

HUNTER: And how do you know what he keeps in his sock drawer?

VANDRA ELISE: I just do. Trust me.

Hunter and Vandra Elise go into David J.'s bedroom and check the sock drawer.

HUNTER: All right! Here it is, I guess you were right. So what kind of pizza did you order?

VANDRA ELISE: I ordered a large disgusting one with everything on it, a medium cheese and broccoli and a medium cheese, mushroom and sausage. Don't you think we should take the key down to him, I mean he is waiting isn't he?

HUNTER: Yeah, I guess, but shouldn't we wait for mister pizza man? How long ago did you call him? I mean, it would really suck if the guy came to deliver the pizza and no one was here. Besides, David J. promised he's buy me dinner if I'd help him find his myth book and I'm just starving.

VANDRA ELISE: Well the guy on the phone said it would take forty five minutes, and (looking at her watch) I called about ten minutes ago. So there's probably enough time to get David J.

HUNTER: (exaggeratedly) Okay, let's get the dumb fuck. It's the only way I'll get anything to eat around here.

VANDRA ELISE: You're so low Hunter, you know you could cook for yourself.

HUNTER: What and let good pizza go to waste? Besides I can't cook for shit.

VANDRA ELISE: Are the lights working down there? The lights never work in my apartment's storage cellar. I hate going down there. It's gotten to the point where I just leave piles of stuff in the living room.

HUNTER: Oh yeah that reminds me, ya' know what David J. did? Sometimes I can't believe how stupid his is. I told him to bring a flashlight cuz, to answer your question, the lights aren't working. So the loser is bragging about his phenomenal new battery power-

VANDRA ELISE: (interrupting) Let me guess the wore out already?

HUNTER: Yeah how did you know?

VANDRA ELISE: I went shopping with him today, and he was too cheap to buy good batteries, so he bought the ones with the cat on them.

HUNTER: No wonder. Those are the cheapest batteries in all existence. He should have bought the ones with the pink rabbit on them. Those rule. Their commercials are cool too.

VANDRA ELISE: Oh I know, did you see the one with the gym coach making his team wear pink shoes.

HUNTER: Or how about the one with the team of scientist chasing after it?

VANDRA ELISE: I love that one!

The two continue talking about their favorite commercials as the walk down to the storage area.

Scene 5: Revenge

Back in the basement. David J. is talking to himself, still waiting for Hunter.

DAVID J.: Any time now Hunter. What was that? Maybe there are rats down here.

A very faint sound of drums is heard in the background.

DAVID J.: Hey, is that you Hunter? (pause) Hunter?

Drums get louder

DAVID J.: Okay Hunter quit fooling around. Did you bring the key? Hunter?

Drums still getting louder and louder until you hear David J. scream.

Scene 6: Revelation

Hunter and Vandra Elise are still talking about commercials as they approach the basement steps. They run into the landlord who is carrying lightbulbs.

HUNTER: Hey Mr. D. what cha up to?

MR. D'ANGELO: Thought maybe I'd fix the lights down here.

HUNTER: It's about fucking time. I thought I might have to use my Zippo.

MR. D'ANGELO: You damn kids are so ungrateful, I've got plenty of other jobs to do around here, I don't need your guff.

Hunter and Vandra Elise push past Mr. D'Angelo. Only some lights are working. Hunter needs to turn on his lighter.

HUNTER: Ow! I burned my finger.

VANDRA ELISE: Which hand?

HUNTER: Right.

VANDRA ELISE: Is that your writing hand?

HUNTER: Yes, dammit. (sticking his burnt finger in his mouth)

VANDRA ELISE: Good.

HUNTER: Shut up! Hey David J. I brought you the key. Where are you at?

The two wait for an answer.

VANDRA ELISE: David J.? Are you still down here? I found the key and ordered pizza David J.?

There is still no answer.

HUNTER: This thing is getting hot. Where the fuck are you? This isn't funny.

VANDRA ELISE: (to Hunter) You don't think he left do you? Where was the storage cage at?

HUNTER: Ummm over here. Hey what's that? (referring to a dim spot of light)

VANDRA ELISE: Hey, that's his flashlight! (she runs to pick it up and trips over something) Ugh!

HUNTER: You okay?

VANDRA ELISE: Yeah. What did I trip on?

HUNTER: I don't know let's see. (kneeling down to get a closer look)

VANDRA ELISE: Oh my God! David J.!

HUNTER: Shit what happened?!

David J. is knocked out lying on the floor. Hunter and Vandra Elise try to wake him. Suddenly all the lights come on. Next to David J.'s body is a drumstick, and an Energizer battery and some pink fluff.

MR. D'ANGELO: You kids still down here? (yelling from the steps)

HUNTER: Yeah Mr. D, don't lock us in.

MR. D'ANGELO: Are all the lights working now?

HUNTER: Unfortunately yes.

MR. D'ANGELO: Alright then. I'll be on my way. (you hear him walk back upstairs)

VANDRA ELISE: Why didn't you ask him to go get help?

HUNTER: Shut up Vandra, let me find out what happened first. (shaking David J.) Hey man, are you okay? David J.? What happened?

DAVID J.: (coming to) Hunter? Oh gee, what happened?

HUNTER: You tell me. I went to get the key and when I got back I find you all unconscious.

DAVID J.: Vandra Elise? When did you get here?

VANDRA ELISE: (gently) A little while ago. I ordered pizza. (she smile in attempt to make him fell better)

DAVID J.: (moaning) Ohh. I was waiting for Hunter and something hit me from behind. I didn't see what it was cuz the flashlight was too dim.

HUNTER: What's that shit? (pointing to the ground)

VANDRA ELISE: (kneels down to pick it up) It's a drum stick and a battery and ?cotton candy? No wait pink fuzz.

DAVID J.: Who cares let's get out of here.

HUNTER: Wait I brought your damn key. After all that you're not gonna get your stupid book?

DAVID J.: Fuck the book. I need aspirin.

VANDRA ELISE: Weird. This whole thing is weird.

The three start walking upstairs.

VANDRA ELISE: See, now if you would have bought Energizer batteries, you would have seen what hit you.

DAVID J.: If Mr. D. would have fixed the lights earlier, I would have seen what hit me.

HUNTER: No, if you would've kept your damn book in your room, none of this would've happened.

The three walk back up to the apartment. Their conversations are heard until they walk out of the frame. A drum beat is heard again. The Energizer Bunny walks through the frame doing his trademark dance. Once he's out of the frame it fades to black.

The Jitney Transaction

An original story written by:

Debra Cantú

Scene 1: The Burger Barn

Charisma Welles and Xander Morris are sitting at a table in a restaurant. Just as the waitress is bringing their drinks, Irvine Preston walks through the door.

XANDER: College man! Over here!

IRVINE: (as he joins the group at the table) Hey guys what's up?

CHARISMA: (kissing him on the cheek) Hello my darling. You're late. I ordered a soda for you.

IRVINE: Thanks, I got in last night. I guess I was so tired that I overslept. What have you been up to?

XANDER: So the latest thing with my parents is the army.

IRVINE: What do you mean?

XANDER: They want me to join it. Can you believe that? I mean, I never pictured myself in the army. I want to go to college- and be a college man like you. Only wish I could afford it. So what's it like anyway?

IRVINE: Oh, well I guess it's okay. It's not as great as people say it is, but I'm doing all right. Mom and dad call every week, they think that I'll either run off with some stranger and get married or become a drunken lush like the rest of the college population. They worry too much. And then they ask if I'm happy studying film. They think that it's a rebellion thing, like one day I'll come to my senses and say, ?I want to study business and take over dad's company? or something. I thought going to school out of state would release me of their clutches, but I think it's gotten worse.

CHARISMA: At least you're out of the house. I swear daddy doesn't know I exist.

IRVINE: How is old Nick anyway?

CHARISMA: I wouldn't know, you'd have to ask Janessa. She hardly lets him out of her sight. She laughs at me because daddy told her that I wanted to be an actress. They say stuff like acting isn't a real job. They want me to study cosmetology. Cosmetology! The safety net profession of unambitious women. I want to go to California after graduation.

XANDER: What will you do in California?

CHARISMA: (frustrated) I'm going to be a famous actress in Hollywood what do you think?

XANDER: Ha! If you become a famous actress, then I wouldn't have to be white trash. Hell, I'll go to California with you. After graduation? Shit, no problem. I can get a gob out there and maybe even go to school and be a college man like Irvine.

IRVINE: You guys are dreamers. How are you going to get money to go to California? Did the gas station give you some big promotion Xand?

The conversation stops for awhile. They each look off in a different direction and eat their fries quietly. Music is heard in the background. The waitress approaches the table.

NORMA: Can I get you guys anything else?

XANDER: No thanks Norma, we're fine.

(Norma leaves)

IRVINE: (attempting to break the silence) So you guys want the hear my crazy theory?

CHARISMA: Which one my love?

IRVINE: (eagerly) Okay, so the other day I was watching this movie where this seeminly normal couple holds up a restaurant. Well I was wondering if anyone has tried to rob a restaurant since seeing that. Because what they say is so true.

XANDER: (puzzled) So what? You want to try to rob a restaurant?

IRVINE: Well not a restaurant. You see, at school, I don't have a car to drive so I have to take the fucking bus. The city bus and the Blackdog if I want to come home. Now the Blackdog stops at all these obscure little places to pick people up and the people have to pay the bus driver directly. That's like ten bucks per person, and the bus is always packed. Just imagine how much money the driver carries. That would be the ultimate hold up job! Who is going to try to stop you? The bus driver? I don't think so, have you seen how out of it some of those drivers are? I bet it could be pulled of just too too easily.

CHARISMA: You're right that is a crazy theory. You actually spent time thinking about this?

IRVINE: (defensively) Well, yeah!

XANDER: (slams his glass down on the table. Other customers look in his direction) Hey! That's kind of neat. You've seen Pulp Fiction too many times, but I bet it would work. Yeah. (a serious look develops on his face as if he is lost in deep thought)

CHARISMA: (to Irvine) When he gets like this, I get scared. I've missed you.

IRVINE: (smiles) I've missed you too. Wanna come over tonight?

CHARISMA: (sadly) Hmm..are your parents going to be there?

IRVINE: Come over after dinner, we can watch a movie and- (gets cut off)

XANDER: (interrupting) Okay. It's a crazy but you're right it could be pulled off soooo easily. I think we should try it.

IRVINE: (exchanging looks with Charisma) Xander, I was kidding. It was just some dumb thing I thought up one day. Just a joke, not real, meant for the movies.

XANDER: No no no! We should try it, really. Think about it, Charisma we could get a bus going to California. Take the money and find a place to stay until we can get jobs. And, and, and Irvine, you can like tape it or film or whatever and it could be your first great film. When we get to Hollywood, you'll already be a great director. And Charisma, it could be you're start to fame and stuff.

Scene 2: The Galaxy Go

Xander Morris is sitting behind the checkout counter inside the office of The Galaxy Go gas station. He is watching an episode of the Jetsons and eating blue raspberry slush. A customer enters the store.

JAKE: Give me a pack of Pink Elephants.

XANDER: Can I see some identification?

JAKE: (annoyed) Are you serious?

XANDER: (pointing to a sign) It's the law.

Jake shows his driver license, pays for the cigarettes and leaves. Xander returns his focus of attention to the TV. Another customer comes in and approaches the counter.

HARRY: I had fifteen dollars of gas.

XANDER: Okay.(taking the money and putting it in the register)

HARRY:Do you have a phone here?

XANDER:(without removing his eyes the TV screen) Back by the bathroom.(pointing toward the back)

HARRY:Thanks.

As a commercial comes on, Xander grabs a bag of Slinky Pretzels and begins to eat them. Charisma Welles comes running into the store.

CHARISMA: Xander!

XANDER: Oh hey Charisma. Are we still meeting Irvine tomorrow at The Burger Barn?

CHARISMA: I would say that's a definite yes. Are you watching The Jetsons?

XANDER: (offering her some pretzels) Yes I am. It's the Jet Screamer episode.

CHARISMA: Ooh that's one of my favorites.(begins to sing along with the show)

XANDER: Umm unless you're buying something I'm going to have to ask you to stop loitering.

CHARISMA:: Whatever. I just wanted to remind you about tomorrow. See you later.

Charisma exits as another customer comes in.

MELVIN: Do you sell those underwear that are wrapped up like a rose here?

XANDER: I don't think so.

MELVIN: You mean you don't know for sure?

XANDER: I've never sold one in all the time I've worked here.

MELVIN: Well how long have you worked here?

XANDER: About a year and a half.

MELVIN:(persistently) And you don't know if you have underwear roses? Maybe your manager keeps them hidden. Could you check in the storage room or something?

XANDER: Well I'm not supposed to leave the register unattended unless it's a matter of dire need. I don't think that you're search for an underwear rose counts, besides the only thing kept in the storage room is left over magazines, empty boxes and toilet paper.

MELVIN: Well do you think that the other Galaxy Go's would have them? Do you think you could call and find out?

XANDER: (frustrated) Look mister, I'm sure that if we don't carry underwear roses here, none of the other branches do either. Maybe you should try some other place.

MELVIN: Okay thanks.

Melvin exits and returns instantly.

MELVIN: You don't think you can special order them for me do you?

XANDER: Go away!

Scene 3: Coming Home

Irvine Preston is walking toward the bus station with two suitcases and a duffel bag. He weaves between people as he slowly gets closer to the station. He purchases his ticket, sits down and waits for the bus. As he is waiting he reaches into his duffel bag, grabs a bag of cheese puffs and a pocket video game. The old man next to Irvine starts talking to him.

ROLAND: What's that you got there?

IRVINE: It's an electronic video game.

ROLAND: A what?

IRVINE: A miniature video game. I'm playing Super MicroOrganisms. These evil viruses go around destroying everything in the world. I get to be a scientist attempting to find a cure to kill the viruses, and save the world from destruction.

ROLAND: (oddly) Oh that sounds real (searching for the right word) keen. When I was younger, we didn't have video games. For entertainment we used to pretend we had our own radio show. We used to tell all these crazy stories and frighten the little ones. Now that was real fun.

IRVINE: That sounds pretty keen itself. In today's society of random crime and exploitation of genuineness, people fear instilling trust in any stranger. Therefore, we retreat to antisocial activities that to avoid such circumstances. Video games provide not only this solitary activity but also improve hand eye coordination.

ROLAND: Oh I see. (grabs a newspaper and begins to read it)

Irvine plays the video game until the bus arrives. He lines up outside, presents his ticket, boards the bus, takes a seat near the back of the bus, puts on his headphones, and falls asleep. The bus loads up with passengers. On the way back into town, the bus stops at a small fast food restaurant and picks up a few passengers. One of the new passengers sits next to Irvine.

JEROME: How ya doin' there? Boy is it frosty outside tonight! The bus sure is packed isn't it? The driver barely had enough change for me. I would've given him a smaller bill if I'd had one. Sometimes I wonder if you can trust them drivers with all that money.

IRVINE: That's a good point. The drivers are allowed to take money aren't they? You never now how much they could be skimming off the top.

JEROME: It's a sad society we live in nowadays.

IRVINE: People will do anything for a buck. (Irvine turns his head toward the window and falls asleep).

Scene 4: Charisma's House

Lizzi Cole is sitting at a kitchen table coloring while Janessa Welles is busy preparing dinner. Charisma Welles comes bounding through the door, she is happy and excited about something.

CHARISMA: Hello Janessa. Hi Lizzi what are you coloring?

LIZZI: Mighty Mutant Power Turtles.

CHARISMA: Ohh! (addressing Janessa) Guess what I found today?

JANESSA: A nearby school for cosmetology that isn't very expensive?

CHARISMA: No, I'm not going to beauty school, we've been through this before.

JANESSA: (snottily) I can't imagine you being successful in anything else.

CHARISMA: Thanks for the confidence boost. Anyway, I found this flyer for a Shakespearean Festival and they are looking for actors. I think I'm going to audition. It will look good on my resume. So do you think I can borrow the car for auditions? And I won't be able to watch Lizzi that night.

JANESSA: The only responsibility you have here is to watch Lizzi. I don't think some Shakespearean Festival is a valid reason to blow it off. You won't get cast anyway, don't waste your time.

CHARISMA: (smittenly) Fine then I'll ask daddy.

JANESSA: (with anger) Don't use your father against me. He'll take my side anyway.

CHARISMA: (glumly leaves the room and mumbles under her breath) You are such a bitch.

Charisma angrily walks to her bedroom and closes the door. She scans her CD collection and puts on Houses of the Holy. She lies on her bed and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds, then rolls onto her stomach and reaches for her phone. The phone rings twice before it is answered.

IRVINE: (picks up the phone) Hello, Irvine speaking.

CHARISMA: Hey sweetheart, what 'cha up to?

IRVINE: Hey what's up?

CHARISMA: (whining) Augh! I had this argument with Janessa. She is such a bitch. I can't wait to move out of here.

IRVINE: Now what happened?

CHARISMA: I don't even want to talk about it. I called to see what time you were coming in tomorrow.

IRVINE: Late at night. I'm not really sure. I have class until eight. Then however long the bus takes I guess. Are you and Xand still meeting me at the Burger Barn tomorrow?

CHARISMA: Yes. I'm going to the gas station to remind him when I get off the phone with you.

IRVINE: Cool. Well I gotta get to class soon, so I'm gonna let you go. I'll see you tomorrow.

CHARISMA: All right dear, I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you.

Charisma hangs up the phone, looks around for a pair of shoes, grabs her purse and leaves to meet Xander at the Galaxy Go.

Scene: 5 The Sign

Xander is waiting in line to buy bus tickets. He is humming 'Going To California' very quietly.

GRETTA: Next.

Xander walks up to the desk.

XANDER: I need three one way tickets to San Francisco.

GRETTA: Two hundred ninety one dollars and seventy-five cents.

Xander grabs a wad of cash from his pocket, unfolds it slowly counts out the correct amount, and hands it to the teller. She exchanges the money for the tickets. Xander places them in his pocket, puts his sunglasses on and walks out of the building. He gets in his car and 'Trampled Under Foot' comes blaring on. Fifteen minutes later he pulls into the Burger Barn. Irvine and Charisma are sitting at a table inside. Xander slides into the seat next to Irvine.

XANDER: Hello my friends. It's a great day isn't it? (signals a waitress) Hey Norma can I get a Rhubarb Shake? So, (looks at Irvine and smiles) are you ready?

IRVINE: (with a confused look on his face) Ready for what?

XANDER: The plan of the century, what else!

CHARISMA: Plan of the century? Xander what are you talking about?

XANDER: Irvine's plan to hijack the Blackdog and go to California.

Irvine and Charisma exchange glances.

IRVINE: Xander, I explained to you that it was only a joke.

XANDER: No, see I've got it all planned. Yesterday at work, this guy came in and bought a map. He opened it right there on the counter and started calculating how long it would take to drive to Philadelphia. And right then a commercial for Cosmic Cola came on and it was like 'Boom' the sign I was looking for.

Charisma and Irvine both look completely perplexed.

CHARISMA: Wait a minute, a Cosmic Cola commercial made you want to hijack a bus?

XANDER: Yeah, don't you see the symbolism?

CHARISMA: No.

XANDER: I guess you need to see the commercial. Anyway (pulls the tickets out of his pocket and fans them out in front of Charisma and Irvine) I bought tickets to San Francisco this morning.

CHARISMA: Xander, you know I love you but I have to say you are insane.

XANDER: I?m telling you it's the perfect idea. Yesterday you all were complaining about your pathetic lives and how you wanted to change them. Well this is the chance to do it. Look the bus leaves at five AM tomorrow, I will be there. (hands tickets to Charisma and Irvine) I'm doing this with or without you guys. I gotta to pick up my check at the gas station. (smiles devilishly) Tomorrow kids. (exits)

CHARISMA: (looks at Irvine) He does have a point.

IRVINE: What?! Don't you start. Xander is my best friend and all but seriously. This is crazy. He won?t do anything he'll get up and go watch TV at the gas station tomorrow. Just wait and see. I gotta meet my mom. I?ll call you tomorrow. (Irvine kisses her on the cheek and leaves)

CHARISMA: (to herself) So what should I do with these bus tickets?

NORMA: One rhubarb shake, two twenty five (sets the shake on the table and flings the check towards Charisma)

CHARISMA: Dammit Xander!

Scene: 6 Surprise

It?s four thirty AM and cold enough to see you breath. There are about eight people inside the bus station. Xander enters through the door carrying a Duck Tales lunch box. He checks his watch scans the room and takes a seat near the water fountain. A few more people straggle in. Xander anxiously awaits his friends.

CHARISMA: So I figured since the tickets are non-refundable. Why the hell not.

XANDER: (looking behind him to see who it is) Chaz girl! I knew you'd come. (looking at her suitcases) God damn how much did you bring with you?

CHARISMA: Just the necessary items. I guess Irvine didn't show up.

XANDER: No not yet. But he will.

INTERCOM: Now boarding all passengers.

CHARISMA: (looks at Xander speaks hesitantly) So I guess we should put our luggage on board huh?

XANDER: Yeah, (pauses) give me your bags and you wait for Irvine.

CHARISMA: Okay.

XANDER: Grabs the bags and heads outside.

INTERCOM: Last boarding call for all passengers.

Charisma zips up her jacket, looks around the bus station grabs her ticket and goes outside. She meets up with Xander.

XANDER: No sign of Irvine yet?

Charisma shakes her head.

XANDER: Well, Fuck him then. (grabs Charisma hand) Let's do this.

CHARISMA: Xand I was just wondering, um, do you have any type of plan? I mean are you really going to do this?

XANDER: Of course we're doing this.

CHARISMA: Well I just thought, you know the tickets are paid for and all. We could just sit back and enjoy the ride.

XANDER: Chaz, I've got it all planned. Did I not explain the Cosmic Cola sign? Don?t worry once we get rolling I?ll fill you in on all the plans.

Xander and Charisma hand their tickets to the driver and get on board.

XANDER: Sit in the middle.

CHARISMA: I hate sitting in the middle, I wanna sit in the back.

XANDER: Just sit in the middle, its all part of the plan. Think Cosmic Cola.

CHARISMA: Oh alright. Whatever that's supposed to mean.

She finds a seat and sits near the window. Xander puts his lunch box under the seat in front of him and sits down also. The bus driver scans the passengers and does a head count.

TEX: (leaning out the door) Final call!

Tex leans back in, sits down, closes the door and settles in his seat. A knock is heard at the door.

IRVINE: (out of breath) I thought I missed you.

TEX: Get here on time.

IRVINE: (hands his ticket to Tex) Sorry.

XANDER: College Man! (turns to Charisma) I told you he'd come.

IRVINE: I got up early to go running and I as I was getting ready I had the TV on. I saw and Cosmic Cola commercial.

TEX: Hey you! Find a seat already.

Scene: 7 Xander's House

At Xander's house, his mother is cooking breakfast and packing lunches for the kids. The radio is heard in the background. Xander's youngest sister comes running down the steps.

MISSY: Mommy, mommy can I have just a jelly sandwich today?

NOELLE: Grape or strawberry?

MISSY: Grape.

Jodie and Davey race into the kitchen.

DAVEY: I win!

JODIE: You cheated!

NOELLE: Stop fighting and eat you breakfast. Where are your brothers?

DAVEY: Mikey is still in the bathroom, he's trying to shave.

NOELLE: Well you go get him.

Mikey enters the kitchen.

MIKEY: I'm here.

NOELLE: You have a dentist appointment today, get Xander to give you a ride after school.

MIKEY: Xander left already.

NOELLE: What do you mean he left already, his car is outside?

MIKEY: (shrugs his shoulders) He left around four o'clock this morning. He told me to have fun and be careful, mumbled something about Cosmic Cola and grabbed his coat and left.

MISSY: (with her mouth full) He ran away.

Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at Missy.

MISSY: He woke me up and told me he was going away for awhile. And when he came back we would move into a house where I could have my own room and there?d be a big swimming pool and a pet dog!

NOELLE: You guys go brush your teeth and get on your way to school.

JODIE: Mommy did Xander really run away?

NOELLE: Of course not, I?m sure he just went to work.

MIKEY: If he did run away, can I have his car?

NOELLE: Your brother did not run away. Now all of you go get ready for school.

Scene: 8 What's The Plan Brother Man?

Irvine is waking up. He yawns, rubs his eyes and tries to stretch in his seat. He is startled when he looks over to his left and sees Xander sitting next to him. Xander is smiling and chewing gum.

XANDER: Howdy.

IRVINE: God damn, you scared me.

XANDER: So I figured we'd wait until we got to Cleveland until we'd try anything. By then we'll be far enough from home and we can study the passengers. Did you think the driver will stop long enough for us to see the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame? I heard that was a pretty cool-(gets cut off) IRVINE: Xand! Now I saw the Cosmic Cola ad, and I know what you?re thinking but I don?t think we can pull this off.

XANDER: What? Then why did you bother to show up? (raising his voice) This was your idea, now you're backing out?

Shhh! Is heard from numerous passengers.

IRVINE: Not so loud, people will hear you.

XANDER: Look brother man, I've got a plan, and I know it'll work. I gotta take a piss. (grabs his lunchbox and walks back toward the bathroom)

Irvine leans over the seat in front of him to see if Charisma is awake. She is sleeping. He starts flipping her hair. She begins to twitch and finally wakes up.

CHARISMA: (groans) Stop. I was having a good dream.

IRVINE: Sorry babe.

CHARISMA: Where's Xander?

IRVINE: In the potty.

CHARISMA: (chuckles) Where are we?

IRVINE: I'm not sure. I just woke up myself.

CHARISMA: Did Xander tell you anything about his plan?

IRVINE: Only that he wants to wait until we get to Cleveland to do anything.

CHARISMA: There are some weird people on this bus. I can hear the guy in front of me singing along with his walkman. Iggy Pop all morning.

IRVINE: Yeah I know, the lady across from me has like eight hundred lottery tickets in her purse, and she has to scratch it completely clean. I wonder if she's won anything.

CHARISMA: Come sit next to me.

Irvine moves to the seat next to Charisma. Xander comes back.

XANDER: Okay kids. I think we'll be stopping around eleven thirty for lunch, we?ll discuss details then. think we should start observing the passengers, to see which ones might cause any problems. Charisma, you get the front, Irvine take the middle and I?ll get the back. I already noticed that guy in the last row. He's the kind of person that goes into a gas station and reads all the magazines but never buys anything. He shouldn?t be a problem.

CHARISMA: The guy in front of me likes Iggy Pop.

XANDER: (with sarcasm) Oh well I guess that might come in handy. Focus! This is important.

IRVINE: That guy behind us might be a cop, he?s got that sleuth look about him.

XANDER: I?ll take care of him. (he caresses his lunchbox)

CHARISMA: What's the deal with the Duck Tales box?

XANDER: Supplies.

IRVINE: What kind of supplies?

XANDER: Opens it slowly, you know, toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, virgin Mary, stuff like that.

Scene: 9 Charisma's Disappearance

Nick Welles is sitting in his office going over papers, the radio is on the oldies channel and he occasionally sings along. The phone rings.

NICK: Nick speaking.

MS. BUCKINGHAM: Mr. Welles?

NICK: Yes, who is this? (gets up to feed his fish)

MS. BUCKINGHAM: This is Ms. Buckingham, I'm your daughter's guidance counselor. I was just wondering why Charisma didn't show up to school this morning.

NICK: Uh...I had no idea. Maybe she wasn?t feeling well this morning and my wife didn't have time to call school. Let me call home and get back to you.

Nick hangs up and speed dials home. It rings four times before Janessa answers.

JANESSA: Hello?

NICK: Hello sweetheart is Charisma home?

JANESSA: She went to her mother's last night. I told you that. Why?

NICK: Well her guidance counselor called and said that she didn't show up to school today.

JANESSA: Maybe she and Ulysses are out doing something.

NICK: Maybe, I'm going to call Peggy. Let me know if you hear from her.

JANESSA: Okay, but I wouldn't worry. Besides, she has to watch Lizzi tonight.

NICK: I check in with you later.

Nick instantly dials his ex-wife. No one answers he leaves a message on the answering machine.

NICK: Peggy this is Nick, do you know anything about Charisma cutting class today? Is she sick? Call me at work when you get this message.

Scene: 10 Lunch Break

Irvine and Charisma are bored and just looking out the window. Xander is reading Rock Chunk magazine. Some of the other bus passengers are having small conversations.

CHRIS D.: I can't believe you?d pick black jack over craps. What is your rationale? Have you even played craps? Because if you have I know you'd never pick black jack.

SCOTT: Black jack is ten times more fun than craps, what kind of game is called craps? Shouldn't that hint to something?

CHRIS D.: But craps takes skill, black jack is just chance.

SCOTT: What no way! What skill do you need for craps, you bet, you roll that's it. Black jack is all about anticipating the next card. It's almost a psychic experience.

TEX: (over the intercom) Ladies and gentleman we?ll be stopping just outside of Syracuse for a thirty minute lunch break. Please be back on the bus on time I won't wait for stragglers.

The bus pulls into a buffet type restaurant and lets the passengers out. Scott and Chris D. continue their conversation. Xander is behind them as they get off the bus.

XANDER: (interrupting) You know guys, poker is better than craps and black jack combined. (he pushes past them into the restaurant)

SCOTT & CHRIS D.: (in unison, looking at each other) Poker! Of course!

Xander catches up with Charisma and Irvine inside, they're standing in line for the buffet.

XANDER: I think we?ll reach Cleveland some time tonight. Those two kids over there (pointing to Chris D. and Scott) won't be a problem at all, in fact they'll even think it's cool. Irvine I think you're right, that guy is a cop, I saw some type of badge. I have plans for him.

CHARISMA: (spooning cottage cheese on to her plate) What kind of plans?

XANDER: Just plans. (chewing on a roll) How is the passenger analysis coming?

IRVINE: I don't know if he'll be a problem, but there's that big guy with multiple tattoos and many piercings. He just looks evil. (grabbing a piece of chicken) Other than that I don?t think there should be any problems. What about you Charisma?

CHARISMA: There is a group of senior citizens sitting in front of us. They won't cause a problem but you might give them all heart attacks. I heard them saying they were getting off in Chicago. Which makes me wonder, every time we stop we?ll be picking up new passengers how are we gonna handle that?

XANDER: (never taking his eyes off the cop) We're stopping in Cleveland tonight. When we take the bus hostage we won't let anyone else on.

The cop gets up and goes into the bathroom.

XANDER: Excuse me kids I gotta take care of something.

Xander follows the cop into the bathroom. The cop is washing his hands. Xander enters the bathroom, he puts his lunchbox on top of the counter and opens it slowly. The police officer is washing his face. Xander grabs a knife out of the lunchbox. He approaches the cop from behind and puts his hand around his mouth, they struggle but Xander manages to stay in control. He stabs the cop repeatedly until he stops moving. Xander drags him into a stall and sets him down on the seat. He locks the stall door and crawls out underneath it. Xander sees the blood on the floor. He grabs some paper towels and begins cleaning it up. He flushes the bloody paper towels down the toilet. Xander washes his hands and face, places the knife back in his lunchbox. He looks in the mirror, then checks around the room. He straightens his jacket, cracks his neck, goes back out into the restaurant and sits down with Charisma and Irvine.

XANDER: What time is it?

CHARISMA: Almost time to get back on the bus.

XANDER: Okay when we stop in Cleveland we'll do this. Charisma you keep people calm, I don't want to hear any kids crying. Irvine you make sure nobody tries anything. Let me do all the talking and I'll take care of the bus driver.

IRVINE: I see people getting back on the bus. We better go.

Scene: 11 Irvine?s House

Cynthia and Thomas Preston are eating dinner in front of the fireplace.

THOMAS: (puts his glass of champagne down) Has Irvine come home yet?

CYNTHIA: Not yet. I think he?s with his trampy girlfriend.

THOMAS: (in shock) Cynthia!

CYNTHIA: Well she is.

THOMAS: Their family is just different that's all.

CYNTHIA: I?ll page him, he needs to eat dinner with us.

THOMAS: Let him be, he's just having fun while he's home.

CYNTHIA: Well that doesn't mean he should completely ignore his parents. (she gets up and pages Irvine) He'd better be home soon. He needs to call his grandmother.

THOMAS: Irvine is a very responsible young man, he'd never do anything we'd have to worry about.

Scene: 12 Welcome To Cleveland

Xander is sleeping. His face is pressed against the glass, mouth open and drool beginning to slip out of his mouth. Most of the passengers are napping, listening to headphones or reading.

TEX: (on the intercom) Ladies and gentlemen. We are approaching Cleveland. We'll stop for two hours so that you can enjoy dinner. Again please be on time, I won't wait for people.

Charisma elbows Xander in the ribs. He jumps in his seat.

XANDER: What!?

CHARISMA: We're in Cleveland.

IRVINE: (leans over the seat) My ass is sore. I don't think I can sit for much longer.

XANDER: (grabs his lunchbox) Well don't worry. This is where the fun starts c'mon. Let's go eat.

The three get off the bus.

CHARISMA:Ew! He wants us to have a nice dinner at a Brat 'N' Ale?

Irvine begins to laugh.

CHARISMA: It?s not funny. I've gotten food poisoning at one of these places before.

XANDER: Oh stop whining. We're about to hijack a Blackdog and all you can think about is the caliber of your dinner.

IRVINE: Good times, bad times ya? know I've had my share, my woman left town with another man and-

Xander and Charisma stop walking and stare at Irvine.

IRVINE: (stops, notices Xander and Charisma and finishes the phrase slowly) -and I still don?t seem to care?

CHARISMA: You're so weird. (walks on ahead of the boys)

XANDER: Hey Irv, I need to show you something.

IRVINE: Yeah sure. What is it?

XANDER: (opens his lunch box and pulls out a gun) This.

IRVINE: Are you crazy? Put that away! I can't believe you brought a gun! What do you need that for?

XANDER: Hey I figured it might come in handy.

IRVINE: How?

XANDER: I brought it for protection.

IRVINE: From what? (stepping back)

XANDER: You just never know what might happen.

IRVINE: Give it to me, I'll hide it. Oh my God, Chaz will freak if she knew. That cop guy will know something's up. I don't want to take that chance.

XANDER: I wasn't going to tell Chaz. Besides, I don't think that cop guy will cause us any trouble.

IRVINE: How do you know?

XANDER: (pats Irvine on the shoulder and begins walking toward the restaurant) Trust me. (walks a little further) Are you coming?

Irvine runs to catch up with Xander. The two enter the restaurant.

Scene: 13 The Local News

Peggy and Ulysses Welles are watching TV and eating microwave dinners.

ULYSSES: (with his mouth full) Mom did you check the answering machine?

PEGGY: (enters the living room holding a glass of bourbon) No, why?

ULYSSES: I'm waiting for a call from that guy in Indianapolis.

PEGGY: Well (slamming back a drink) then go check it.

Ulysses goes into the kitchen and listens to the messages.

ULYSSES: Hey mom. Dad called, something about Charisma. He says you should call him. (reenters the living room)

DON: (on TV) In other news a man was found brutally murdered in a bathroom of a restaurant. Police believe the man was travelling on a bus tour, but have no leads as to who might have killed him. Owners and customers of the restaurant claim they didn?t see or hear anything peculiar.

STEVEN: (on TV) We're determined to find the person who did this. The assailant wasn't after money, because the victim's wallet was untouched. This person knew what they were doing.

DON: (on TV) Again there are no solid leads to who may have committed this horrible crime.

PEGGY: (finishing her drink) I better call your father before he has a heart attack. (She goes into the kitchen and dials her ex-husband. Janessa answers after two rings.) Well hello Jan, is Nick home yet? I got this urgent message from him.

JANESSA: Hang on Peg. I'll go get him. (covers the mouth piece) Nick it's your ex-wife. (hands the phone to him)

NICK: Hello Peggy, is Charisma staying with you?

PEGGY: No, it's only Thursday. She won't be here until Saturday.

NICK: Well I got a call from her guidance counselor. She said that Charisma didn't go to school today. I thought maybe her and Ulysses might have gone somewhere together.

PEGGY: (yells) Ulysses!

ULYSSES: What? (walks into the kitchen)

PEGGY: Did you make Charisma cut school today?

ULYSSES: No, why?

PEGGY: (to Nick on the phone) Ulysses hasn't seen her. Maybe she's out with Irvine. He's in town for a couple days.

NICK: I don't like that Irvine boy.

PEGGY: Oh Nick, calm down.

NICK: Well, if she goes there tonight, tell her to call here. I'm not pleased that she skipped school for some boy.

PEGGY: I'll tell her. You know the reason she never tells you anything is because she can't stand that woman you have living with you.

NICK: Just make sure she calls home.

PEGGY: This is her home too, in case you forgot.

NICK: My dinner is getting cold. Tell Ulysses hello. (hangs up)

PEGGY: (hoping to get it in before he hangs up) I can't believe you're too busy to talk to your own son!

Scene: 14 The Brat 'N' Ale

The three are sitting at a round table together. Charisma keeps pushing her food around her plate.

IRVINE: (to Charisma) You know there are people in other countries who are starving.

CHARISMA: Well I'd rather starve than eat Brat 'N' Ale food.

XANDER: Does everyone know what to do?

IRVINE: Yes, boss.

CHARISMA: You want me to make sure everybody stays calm. Exactly how am I supposed to go about doing that? Do you want me to read them bedtime stories or something? Get them to sing songs? I mean really? People are going to freak if someone hijacks the bus they're on.

XANDER: Well use your great acting skills to calm people down. I think we should go back to the bus early. That way we can see exactly where everybody sits. (opens his lunchbox, pulls out a ski hat and puts it on)

IRVINE: What's that for? (almost spitting up his drink)

XANDER: It's my disguise.

IRVINE: Don't most people use full-face masks?

XANDER: (defensively) I just think it looks cool.

IRVINE: (still laughing) If it be your will.

XANDER: I brought hats for each of us. I read somewhere that people often remember clothing and shoes before facial characteristics. So I figured we?d wear hats to throw 'em off.

CHARISMA: When did you start reading.

XANDER: It was at the gas station. Anyway, here's a fishing hat for you Chaz. (hands her the hat)

CHARISMA: Oh it's khaki. (excitedly puts it on)

XANDER: And a fedora for you Irvine.

IRVINE: A what?

XANDER: A fedora. (pushing the hat towards him) Put it on. I got it at the gift shop.

IRVINE: I'm not wearing a hat. (getting up) I'm going to the bathroom, then getting back on the bus. (shaking his head) You guys are so weird.

CHARISMA: (waits until Irvine is out of sight) I like mine.

XANDER: C?mon we should get back on the bus.

The two head out towards the bus. The bus driver has left the door open but nobody is aboard. Charisma finds her seat and starts digging around in her makeup bag. Xander begins to look around the driver seat. He notices a flashlight, a cell phone, a first aid kit and some other things in the space above the driver. Xander hears voices getting closer to the bus and quickly finds a seat. People begin boarding the bus. Finally the driver gets back on. He looks around to see how many people are on board then down at his watch. Five minutes later the bus pulls out of the parking lot. Xander is sitting on the edge of his seat drumming his fingers on his lunchbox. Charisma is applying lipstick. Irvine is watching the lotto ticket lady. Scott and Chris D. are debating about favorite actors. Xander gets out of his seat and stands in the middle of the aisle.

XANDER: (nods and smiles at Irvine, he taps Charisma on the shoulder) Ladies and gentlemen. My name is Alexander. I am your hijacker tonight. (to Charisma) Chaz get up here.

Charisma stops what she?s doing and puts on her hat. She stands up next to Xander. Irvine is sinking down in his seat.

XANDER: This is my associate Chaz-

Charisma smiles and waves.

XANDER: Any problems or questions ask her. (pushes her forward) College man here (pointing to Irvine) will be assisting me on whole ordeal.

People begin to wonder what's going on. The bus driver looks over his shoulder.

TEX: Hey you kids, sit down!!

XANDER: (walks up towards the bus driver) Umm, you don't seem to understand. I'm taking over your bus.

TEX: You're scaring the passengers sit down or I'll kick you off at the next stop.

XANDER: Mister bus driver, I'm serious.

TEX: I don't have time for this, I need to concentrate. Sit down!

XANDER: (gets a confused look on his face) No but, you see?really?(walks back to Irvine) He doesn't believe me.

IRVINE: Maybe it was your approach.

CHRIS D.: Hey Alexander, is this for real?

XANDER: (turns around) Yes.

SCOTT: Cool!

TEX: If you don't sit down I'm going to stop this bus.

XANDER: (getting frustrated, walks up to Tex again, he reaches into his coat, pulls out a gun and presses it against Tex's head) Now do you believe me? If I were you I wouldn't stop this bus. You just keep driving and nobody will get hurt.

CHARISMA: Where did you get a gun from?

Irvine looks at him in confusion.

XANDER: It was in the driver's storage area.

CHARISMA: Did you know about this? (to Irvine)

Passengers begin to chatter in panic. A lady in a yellow hat gets out of her seat and starts walking towards the back of the bus.

IRVINE: (to the lady) Hey little miss yellow hat where do you think you're going?

CHARISMA: Irvine?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: (stops immediately) I gotta go to the bathroom.

IRVINE: Sit down and hold it.

CHARISMA: Irvine?

XANDER: I'm so proud of you Irv. (patting Irvine on the back) Don't worry about it Chaz. Okay people here's the plan. This bus has become a direct route to California. We'll only stop when I say so.

BRAD: (standing up and walking towards Xander) This is crazy.

XANDER: I wouldn't do that. (points the gun at him)

BRAD: You're not gonna do anything. I can see how scared you and your friends are-

SCOTT: (to Chris D.) Can you believe this? This is so cool, it's just like that Cosmic Cola commercial.

BRAD: -you're just a bunch of kids. (continues to walk toward Xander)

XANDER: Hey you stop where you are.

Passengers watch with intent. Brad tries to grab the gun out of Xander's hand. They scuffle. The gun is knocked under a seat.

IRVINE: Stop!! (pulls out the gun Xander gave him)

CHARISMA: Irvine what are you doing? You didn't say anything about guns.

Xander and Brad are still fighting. Brad screams in pain. The two pull apart. Brad is covering his mouth, blood is gushing out between his fingers. Xander is standing there with something shiny in his hand.

CHRIS D.: Dude what happened?

SCOTT: Ouch! That's his lip ring.

Little Miss Yellow Hat pulls Kleenex out of her purse and hands them to Brad. Tex begins to slow down. Xander runs to the front of the bus.

XANDER: (yelling) Keep driving!

Tex steps on the accelerator. Passengers are heard in the background.

XANDER: (turns and faces the rest of the passengers) No body else better try anything.

Little Miss Yellow Hat raises her hand.

IRVINE: (puts the gun down) What?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Can I go to the bathroom now?

IRVINE: Chaz, take her to the bathroom.

Charisma follows Little Miss Yellow Hat to the bathroom. The passengers have become silent with fear.

XANDER: Okay everybody listen to me, my name is Xander. My friends and I need a ride to California. We do need some hostages just in case the officials catch on to us. So if everybody will cooperate this might just be fun.

JANIS: (popping her gum loudly) Umm I need to get off in Chicago, I?m surprising my parents.

XANDER: (looks at her oddly) Oh yes I forgot, if any one has any special requests or stops (pauses) too bad. So, girl just shut the fuck up and sit down!

Charisma escorts Little Miss Yellow Hat back to her seat. She stops and checks on Brad. He is still bleeding.

CHARISMA: (to Irvine and Xander with anger in her voice) Can I speak to you two. (she grabs them by their shoulders) What the hell are you guys doing? Guns?! You ripped that ring out of that guys lip! What's going on. Xander what is wrong with you? How do you expect me to keep people calm when you're pointing a gun to their head?

XANDER: Look Charisma, I know how to handle this. I gotta get back to the passengers. (Xander walks away)

CHARISMA: (to Irvine) and you!

IRVINE: Chaz, calm down. Everything will be fine. I won't let Xander do anything dumb. Trust me. Look he told me about the gun when we got to Cleveland, but I made him give it to me, I didn't know he had a second one. Oh shit. (gets down on his knees and begins to look around)

CHARISMA: What are you doing?

IRVINE: Xander?

XANDER: (turns around and looks at Irvine) What?

IRVINE: Did you pick that thing up?

XANDER: What thing?

IRVINE: You know that thing?

XANDER: What thing?

IRVINE: (whisper into Xander?s ear) The gun.

XANDER: Oh that thing. (begins searching too) I dropped it around here somewhere.

IRVINE: Well you better find it before-

SCOTT: (speaking softly) Psst. Hey Alexander.

XANDER: (looks at Scott) What?

SCOTT: Is this what your looking for? (reveals the gun)

Xander just stares at Scott.

SCOTT: Don?t worry I'll give it back to you. Here. (hands the gun to Xander) Let us help, we can make sure no else gets out of control.

XANDER: (thinks for awhile) I have to discuss it with my associates.

CHRIS D.: C'mon. Two more people on your side can't hurt.

XANDER: We'll see.

Scene: 15 On The Road

Xander is standing next to the driver watching the passengers. Irvine is standing back by the bathroom. Charisma notices that Little Miss Yellow Hat is crying and tries to comfort her.

CHARISMA: Don't worry (patting Little Miss Yellow Hat on the shoulder) We're not bad people. I promise I won't let anything bad happen.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Why are you kids doing this?

CHARISMA: We have no choice. (Charisma gets up and walks over to Brad) Are you okay?

BRAD: Eye yid id ore. It on't od eeding.

CHARISMA: Next time we stop I'll get some stuff to numb it.

TEX: (to Xander) We're gonna have to stop for gas soon.

XANDER: How soon?

TEX: Next city.

XANDER: Alright. Hey Irvine.

IRVINE: What's up? (walking up the aisle)

XANDER: Those two kids want to help.

IRVINE: What do you mean?

XANDER: Like join our group.

IRVINE: I don't know about that. Why?

XANDER: It might be a good idea. They could help keep an eye on passengers.

IRVINE: Do you think you can trust them? They're so weird. Just look at them.

XANDER: I think it'll be okay.

IRVINE: It's your call Xand.

XANDER: Thanks brother man. (to Chris D. & Scott) You guys are in.

SCOTT: So what's my first assignment?

XANDER: Just help Irv keep an eye on the back.

SCOTT: Yes sir. (salutes Xander)

XANDER: (to Chris D.) Help watch the front, especially since Chaz is a little preoccupied. I don't trust the driver I'm gonna keep a closer eye on him.

Walks over to Tex.

XANDER: How we doing?

TEX: There's a small town up ahead, we can fuel up there.

XANDER: Okay let me notify the passengers. (presses the gun to Tex's head) Don't think of trying anything funny. I'll be watching you. (walks back to Irvine and Scott) We're gonna have to stop for gas. Make sure no one gets off this bus. (approaches Charisma) Hey Chaz, come here for a sec.

CHARISMA: What?

XANDER: How are things?

CHARISMA: Little Miss Yellow Hat keeps crying. And Brad-

XANDER: Who's Brad?

CHARISMA: The guy you tried to kill.

XANDER: Oh.

CHARISMA: Anyway, Brad's lip is still bleeding. Nothing other than that. I think most people are so scared they're afraid to move.

XANDER: We're gonna stop for gas soon. Nobody gets off the bus. If people need to use the bathroom, they use the one in the back. We have these two guys helping out now so it shouldn't be too hard. We fuel up and hit the road again.

CHARISMA: Can I get off, I promised I get something to numb Brad's lip?

XANDER: If he can stand the pain to pierce his body that much he can deal with a bleeding lip.

Xander walks away. They drive for a little while longer before pulling into a fueling station. Tex unbuckles his seat belt and begins to get out of his seat.

XANDER: Where do you think you're going?

TEX: Gas. (in an angry tone) To put the gas in.

XANDER: No. Hand me the keys and stand over there. Hey kid, (to Chris D.) you go outside and fuel this baby up.

Chris D. is all excited to be helping. He sings quietly to himself as he waits for the tank to fill. Charisma taps him on the shoulder, Brad is standing next to her.

CHARISMA: Xander told me to have you pay too. (she hands him a wad of cash)

Chris D. takes the money and watches Charisma and Brad walk into the store.

Scene: 16 She Calls Home

Charisma is using the payphone inside the store.

CHARISMA: (over the phone) Hey Ulyie promise not to tell mom or dad. Just tell them that I went to New York with Irvine or something. Tell 'em I sent you an email.

ULYSSES: Mom is worried about you, dad?s wondering about you, even your guidance counselor called looking for you.

CHARISMA: I?m okay, really. Things are getting kind of intense though.

ULYSSES: Why, what's going on?

CHARISMA: Irvine and Xander both have guns. Xander ripped this guy's lip ring out! Xander is starting to scare me. You should see how he's acting.

ULYSSES: Chaz, I'm not one to preach about doing crazy things, but running away from home?

CHARISMA: I'm not running away, I'm moving to San Francisco.

ULYSSES: Just promise that if things get too out of control you'll come home. Call me, I'll come get you.

CHARISMA: I'll call you when I get there.

ULYSSES: Be careful sis.

Charisma hangs up and heads back to the bus.

Scene: 17 Xander?s Idea

Xander is pacing up and down the aisle of the bus. Charisma has fallen asleep next to Little Miss Yellow Hat. Scott is flirting with Janis.

XANDER: (speaking softly) Irvine we have a problem.

IRVINE: Now what?

XANDER: I counted the money the bus driver had, it should be enough to pay for gas and food but that's it.

IRVINE: So, we have no money?

XANDER: Well?I figured since we're already fugitives, maybe we could hit the next gas station or something like that?

IRVINE: Are you insane? First guns, then fighting with passengers, then asking two complete strangers to join our group, now you want to rob gas stations?

XANDER: Well I just thought since I know the ins and outs of gas stations that it would be easy.

IRVINE: Xand, I agreed to help you with the whole bus thing, but now you're talking crazy.

XANDER: We need some money brother man.

IRVINE: Okay Xander, do what you want to do, because I know that I can't change your mind. I know you won't tell me things that you don't want me to know. Like what exactly happened to the cop guy or where you got the second gun. Just don't do anything that will put Charisma in danger.

XANDER: Okay jeez.

IRVINE: I'm serious. Look at her she doesn't need to be here. I can't believe you talked us into this. (begins to walk away)

XANDER: (yelling after Irvine) This was your idea Irv.

IRVINE: (turns around) No, my idea was a story. You twisted it into some sick game. You and your Cosmic Cola.

Xander stands there angry for a few minutes.

XANDER: (to Janis) What the fuck are you looking at?

Janis averts her eyes in a different direction.

XANDER: (out loud to no one in particular) Hey wait a minute. Where's that guy? Charisma! Where'd that one guy go?

CHARISMA: Who?

XANDER: Your pierced buddy that's who.

CHARISMA: Umm I don't know. (she exchanges glances with Chris D.)

XANDER: What do you mean you don't know? It's your job to watch the passengers. (voice getting louder) He couldn't have just vanished.

TEX: He snuck off while you were threatening the other passengers.

Chris D. just keeps looking at Charisma. She shakes her head. Xander quickly turns around to look at Tex.

XANDER: What?

TEX: When we stopped for gas. I let him off. You were too busy yelling at that girl and I let him off.

XANDER: (really starting to get mad) Look old man, who told you to do that? You just keep driving the bus.

JANIS: (yells out) He was hurt, he needed help.

Xander pulls out the gun and aims it at Janis.

XANDER: Did I ask for your opinion?

CHARISMA: Xander, put the gun down.

XANDER: Shut up Chaz, I'm in charge here.

TEX: This is still my bus.

By now all the passengers are watching intently.

XANDER: The fuck it is. This is my bus now.

CHRIS D.: This is so cool.

TEX: And who's going to drive?

XANDER: You think I need you to drive?

SCOTT: Tell him boss!

TEX: You kids, think you know everything. I've had enough of this. I'm putting a stop to this.

Tex begins to pull the bus to the side of the road.

XANDER: What are you doing?

TEX: I'm tired of your crazy game.

XANDER: Old man if this bus slows anymore you'll regret it.

Tex continues to slow down. Xander keeps yelling at him, he aims the gun at the driver's head. Tex is determined to stop the bus. Xander pulls the trigger. Passengers scream, blood spatters all over the front windows. The bus veers off the road and bumps into a tree, there's no damage and no one is hurt.

IRVINE: Is everyone okay?

JANIS: I hit my head.

CHARISMA: Is anybody else badly hurt?

CHRIS D.: (looking at Tex) Oh my God, he's dead.

Passengers gasp, scream and try to get off the bus. Xander stands in the way to the exit.

XANDER: Okay I?ll take care of this.

CHARISMA: We need to call the police.

XANDER: I said I'll take care of this.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: (talking through her tears) What do you mean you'll take care of this?

XANDER: Irv come here. You two (to Chris D. and Scott) watch these people. Don?t let anyone off this bus.

IRVINE: What the fuck did you do? Look at this mess.

XANDER: I know how to handle this! Just help me get him out of here!

IRVINE: You are nuts. We have to call the police.

XANDER: And tell them what? That we hijacked a bus and killed the driver?

IRVINE: What do you think we should do? We can't just keep going.

XANDER: Yes we can. Help me drag his body out of here.

Irvine and Xander argue for a little while longer. Finally Irvine breaks down and helps Xander drag the body into the woods. Xander and Scott clean the blood off the windows. Charisma and Chris D. check the passengers for injuries.

XANDER: (with bloodstains all over him) All right folks! Listen up! Scott, you are now the driver, get up here.

SCOTT: (runs to the front of the bus) You can count on me sir.

IRVINE: Xander I think we should quit.

XANDER: No, we're half way down we can't go back.

Scott starts up the bus and they get back on the road. Little Miss Yellow Hat has curled up into the fetal position and is sobbing. Irvine is sitting in the last row looking out the window. Charisma pulls her fishing hat off her head and throws it on the floor.

CHARISMA: (approaches Xander) Xand?

XANDER: What?s the story morning glory?

CHARISMA: Xand I wanna go home. This isn?t fun anymore. You never said people would get hurt. You gotta let Irvine and me off next stop.

XANDER: You were so excited to get the hell away from home, now your scared? This is a life experience that will help you grow as an actress-

SCOTT: Hey boss?

XANDER: What's up Scott?

SCOTT: Umm..we have a problem.

XANDER: Now what?

SCOTT: I'm not really sure, but that cop car has been behind us for awhile now.

Xander looks out the window.

XANDER: Just keep driving legal and don?t give them a reason to pull us over.

IRVINE: Give it up man. They know something. There are bloodstains all over the windows, I bet it looks somewhat suspicious. Xand, the gig is up, let these people go.

XANDER: It?s not over, just wait and see. I can handle this.

The police car speeds up and passes the bus.

XANDER: What'd I tell ya? Nothing to worry about.

Scott continues to drive.

Scene 18: The Hunt Begins

At a police station near the Chicago area. Miss Charlotte and J. Adam have just joined the police force, they are desperate for any case.

MISS CHARLOTTE: (reading updates on her computer) Hey J. Adam look at this.

J.ADAM: What is it?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Dead body.

J.ADAM: (drops his donut) Really?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Let's go check it out.

Miss Charlotte and J. Adam hop into a car and drive out to investigate the crime.

MISS CHARLOTTE: He?s wearing some type of uniform.

J.ADAM: It says Blackdog bus lines. He's a bus driver.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Do you think he was working? Where's the bus?

J.ADAM: Why would anyone kill a driver for a bus? It's not exactly the fastest form of transportation. And where are all the passengers?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Let's get back to the station, I'll get in contact with the Blackdog lines and find out where the driver was headed.

Back at the station.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Hey J. Adam, I called the Blackdog, they said that the bus was heading for St. Louis.

J.ADAM: I've got something for you.

MISS CHARLOTTE: What?

J.ADAM: Turns out some guy was on a bus that was hijacked by a bunch of kids. Says he know some of their names. Turns out who ever was in charge is really on the edge, ripped this guys lip ring out of his mouth.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Aughh! So can we get him get him in here?

J.ADAM: He's in some little town outside of Gary.

MISS CHARLOTTE: (grabbing her jacket) Let's go.

Scene 19: Change of Plans

XANDER: Hey Irvine, I've been thinking, and you're right. The police are probably on to us.

IRVINE: (not even looking at Xander) Yeah?

XANDER: So I figured, fuck St. Louis, they'll be expecting us there.

IRVINE: Uh huh.

XANDER: Instead we'll head through Iowa. I already told Scott.

IRVINE: That's great Xand.

XANDER: What's wrong with you?

IRVINE: Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that my best friend just shot a man in the head.

XANDER: I had too, he was ruining the plan.

IRVINE: The plan, the plan? You haven't shared this plan with anyone. You keep saying "trust me", "I have things under control", "think Cosmic Cola" What kind of plan is that? Okay maybe we can elude the police by going a different route, but c'mon, there's a blood stained bus on the interstate. Someone?s bound to catch on.

XANDER: Well then what do you think I should do?

IRVINE: I think you should turn yourself in and let everyone go. You're in too deep.

XANDER: Exactly. So deep I might as well keep going.

IRVINE: Why do bother asking me? (angrily gets up) I gotta use the bathroom.

Xander waits for Irvine to come back. Irvine sits in a different seat to avoid Xander.

XANDER: (gets up and sits next to Irvine) Okay how about this. Once we're in Iowa, we stop in some little town and wash the bus and I'll let some of the passengers go. Just promise that you guys will stick with me. (Irvine turns toward the window and closes his eyes) I mean after, all I'm doing this for you.

IRVINE: For me? Don't do me any favors. Leave me alone I wanna get some sleep.

Xander remains seated next to Irvine for awhile. Becoming bored he goes to talk to Scott.

XANDER: Hey there.

SCOTT: Hey boss.

XANDER: Why don't you rest for awhile, (pats him on the shoulder) let me do some driving.

SCOTT: Alright.

Xander drives for the remainder of the night.

Scene: 20 Testimony

In the town near Gary, Miss Charlotte and J.Adam are questioning Brad.

MISS CHARLOTTE: So do you think you can describe how he looked for our sketch artist.

BRAD: I guess so.

J.ADAM: So tell us everything that happened.

BRAD: You know it was a regular bus ride to St. Louis. Nobody even noticed them the first day. In Cleveland, the head guy, um...Alexander, at least that's what he said his name was. He starts going crazy and says he?s taking over. Whips out a gun, starts waving it around. He was scaring people so I tried to stop him. We fought and he ripped my lip ring out. Some girl, she was in on it all, her name was Charisma, she was nice, she's the one that let me go when we stopped for gas.

J.ADAM: (pulls photos out of a folder) Do you think this man was capable of killing anyone?

BRAD: I don't know, he seemed psycho but scared.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Did he say why he hijacked the bus?

BRAD: Something about going to California.

J.ADAM: (throws the pictures on the table) Do you recognize this?

BRAD: (shrugs his shoulders) No.

MISS CHARLOTTE: This is your bus driver.

Brad looks closer at the picture.

J.ADAM: We think it was your boy.

BRAD: Hey he's not my boy, I told you he said his name was Alexander. The girl was Charisma. There was some other guy with them, I don't remember his name.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Let?s get a sketch artist in here.

Miss Charlotte and J. Adam question Brad some more, while Brad tries to describe Xander to the sketch artist.

Scene: 21 Liberation

Xander pulls the bus into a gas station. It is too early in the morning for it to be open yet. The passengers that aren't sleeping wonder what's going on. Xander whispers something to Scott and Chris D. and hands Scott the keys. Chris D. and Xander begin washing the bus while Scott stands guard. Irvine wakes up.

IRVINE: (rubbing his eyes) Where are we?

SCOTT: I honestly don't know.

IRVINE: Where's Xand?

SCOTT: He and CD are cleaning the bus.

IRVINE: I'm gonna give 'em a hand.

Irvine gets outside and stretches. He looks around but doesn't see Xander or Chris D. He hears breaking glass and turns to see what it is. He sees Xander breaking into the gas station.

IRVINE: What do you think you're doing?

XANDER: We need some supplies.

IRVINE: Supplies!?

XANDER: To clean the bus.

IRVINE: Hey, whatever your name is, why don't you go ahead and let me have some words with Xand.

Chris D. continues toward the bus.

XANDER: What?

IRVINE: I can't believe you broke into a gas station.

XANDER: I told you, I needed supplies.

IRVINE: Yeah from the cash register.

XANDER: You told me it was my call. God I don't understand what's wrong with you. I'm making your dream a reality and you nagging on my every move.

IRVINE: You better keep your promise and let these people go.

XANDER: Don't worry I'll take care of things. I'm handling things well.

IRVINE: (beginning to walk away) Yeah, real well.

Chris D., and Scott clean the inside of the bus. Xander passes out bags of chips and candy bars to the passengers. Irvine is sitting on a curb smoking.

CHARISMA: When did you start smoking?

IRVINE: Right now. (looking up at her)

CHARISMA: Any other secrets you're keeping from me?

IRVINE: I'm as lost as you are. I tried to convince Xand to turn himself in, but he just won't listen. He?s got this preconceived notion about the way things are going to turn out.

CHARISMA: Why didn't you tell me about the guns?

IRVINE: I didn't know about them until the last minute. I didn't want to scare you.

CHARISMA: I'm not having fun anymore. I wanna go home. Can't we just leave.

IRVINE: I can't leave him. I'm worried about what else he might do.

CHARISMA: I can't take much more of this. Will you put that thing out? It smells nasty.

IRVINE: I think I convinced him to let these people go. He said after we got the bus cleaned up he let 'em go.

CHARISMA: Good, because I'm getting tired of this. I can call Ulysses to come get us.

IRVINE: Chaz, I promised I'd stay.

CHARISMA: Why? I know you want to get out of here. You stupid-

IRVINE: Hey! He needs me, I told you, I'm afraid of what he might do.

CHARISMA: Don't drag yourself down-

XANDER: Want some breakfast? (holding out a can of Peppy pop and a bag of Slinky pretzels)

IRVINE: No.

XANDER: Bus is all clean now.

IRVINE: And?

XANDER: I guess we hit the road.

CHARISMA: And the passengers?

XANDER: Oh yeah. I'll go take care of that right now.

Xander gets back on the bus and grabs the microphone.

XANDER: Okay listen up folks. I'm feeling generous today. As you probably figured out, we are not in your planned destination of St. Louis. Therefore I am going to let you get off here in beautiful Des Moines.

Passengers begin to gather their stuff.

XANDER: (clears his throat) There's one condition though

Passenger become silent.

XANDER: One, you can't tell anyone about me, my associates or what happened.

Irvine and Charisma are listening outside the door.

XANDER: Two, if for some reason the police are after us, I need at least three, shall we say volunteers?, to stay.

JANIS: Volunteers? You mean hostages? Fuck that I'm getting off this bus. (grabs her purse and walks up the aisle)

XANDER: (blocks her way) Now sweetie, where are you going? (points the gun at her, pushes her into a seat) Thank you for volunteering. Let?s see. You, Little Miss Yellow Hat, you, Gap ad. Come sit up here next to my other volunteer. Everyone else is free to leave. (he points toward the door)

Passengers start getting off the bus.

XANDER: (to Irvine) See, I kept my promise. Let's get going.

Irvine gets on the bus. Charisma hesitates.

XANDER: Let's go Chaz.

CHARISMA: No.

XANDER: What do you mean no? Let's go.

CHARISMA: I don't want to. Irvine?

XANDER: Quit fucking around and get on the damn bus!

IRVINE: Chaz, I already told you that I was staying.

XANDER: Fine. Scott start this baby up!

Charisma remains at the foot of the steps.

Scene: 22 Which Way Did He Go?

Miss Charlotte and J.Adam are staring at a map of the United States trying to figure out Xander's route.

J.ADAM: I can say for sure that they're not going to St. Louis. It would be too obvious.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Well, all we know is that he's headed for California.

J.ADAM: He could take any route. My guess, he'll head south.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Why?

J.ADAM: Gut feeling.

MISS CHARLOTTE: I want more to go on than just your gut. (pats him on the belly)

The phone rings. Miss Charlotte answers it, and begins scribbling notes.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Okay, thank you very much. (to J.Adam) Got a lead.

J.ADAM: What?

MISS CHARLOTTE: The person in charge goes by the name of Xander, and yes he and his friends are headed to California. He just let some of the hostages go. Turns out he's in Des Moines Iowa. Guess your gut was wrong. This is what the Iowa patrol told me. He still has at least four hostages. He did kill the driver, right in front of the hostages while he was driving. The police are getting statements from everyone and they'll fax us copies.

J.ADAM: Des Moines? Why Des Moines?

MISS CHARLOTTE: He's just avoiding St. Louis.

They go over to the map again. J.Adam pushes a tack into Des Moines.

MISS CHARLOTTE: What's your gut saying?

J.ADAM: I don't know. I can't tell if this kid knows where he's going or just guessing. And where in California is he headed? If he wants to get there fast he'll take the interstate, but he'll try to keep a low profile on those back roads. What's your guess.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Los Angeles. A bunch of teenagers with a dream, where else would they go?

J.ADAM: Good guess. Let's notify the highway patrol for the states in between here and California to keep an eye out for the bus.

MISS CHARLOTTE: That bugs me, the whole bus thing. Why would they continue on in a bus?

J.ADAM: (J.Adam shakes his head) Check the fax, I'll get on the phone.

Scene: 23 Chaz vs. Xand

XANDER: (leaning over Scott?s shoulder) Just stay on interstate 80, it'll take us all the way to San Francisco.

SCOTT: Yes Sir.

XANDER: Tell me when you get tired of driving, we'll switch off.

SCOTT: Okay.

XANDER: So Chaz, what was the big deal back there?

CHARISMA: I'm just tired of living on a bus. I want to go home.

XANDER: But we're half way there.

CHARISMA: Do you think I care about your Cosmic Cola plan? The only reason I'm still here is because of Irvine? You crazy fiend, hostages, guns, these two freaks.

XANDER: What is your problem, it was your idea to go to California in the first place.

CHARISMA: Don't put the blame on me. I?m not the one killing people.

XANDER: I did it to protect us.

CHARISMA: Yeah the bus driver was soooo dangerous. Why the hell do you have these hostages? They not any help. You just get some power trip off the whole thing.

XANDER: Shut up! You don?t know anything, Miss-I?m-going-to-be-a-famous-actress. Go home if you want. I won't miss you. Go dance in your field of roses and cry to your daddy.

Charisma begins to cry. The others are watching with deep interest.

IRVINE: (stepping between them) Okay that's enough. Xander calm down. Chaz just ignore him.

Charisma goes to the last row of the bus and cries.

IRVINE: (to Xander) Why did you do that?

XANDER: She started it.

IRVINE: (shaking his head) Your losing it. Don't turn on us, we're your friends.

XANDER: You haven't been acting like it.

Scene: 24 Meanwhile Back at Home

Cynthia Preston is sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Thomas enters the room.

THOMAS: Honey? What are you doing up?

CYNTHIA: Waiting.

THOMAS: Oh. (sits down at the kitchen table)

CYNTHIA: His roommate called today. He hasn't heard from him since he left. I just know something happened to him.

THOMAS: Now dear?

CYNTHIA: No! I even called his girlfriend's house. Her father says that she been missing for two days. (beginning to cry)

THOMAS: Honey?

CYNTHIA: (crying) They ran away together. My baby and that tramp, they ran away.

THOMAS: They didn't run away, they're just (pauses) off being kids.

CYNTHIA: I gave him everything he could have wanted, and he left me.

THOMAS: (puts his arm around Cynthia's shoulder) He's okay, I'm sure he'll call soon enough.

At Charisma's father's house.

NICK: (to Janessa) That was Irvine's mother. They haven't heard from them either. I'm really starting to worry. She's not with Peggy, Ulysses or Irvine. Where could she be?

JANESSA: Have you tried calling her one friend's family?

NICK: What one friend?

JANESSA: That greasy boy that works at the gas station.

NICK: Oh, you mean Xander. I hadn't thought of that. (gets up and grabs the phone)

OSCAR: (answering the phone) Hello?

NICK: Hello, this is Nick Welles, my daughter is friends with your son Xander. I was wondering if I could speak with him.

OSCAR: Have you heard from Xander?

NICK: Have I heard from him? Well no actually I wanted to ask him if he had talked to Charisma lately.

OSCAR: Xander left for school and never came back. Gas station's been calling for him, he hasn't shown up for work either.

NICK: Charisma's and Irvine have been missing too.

OSCAR: Our daughter Missy says that he ran away, I guess he talked to him before he left.

NICK: Well, if you hear from him will you let us know?

OSCAR: Of course.

NICK: Thank you. (hangs up the phone, to Janessa) Xander's gone too. One of their kids said they ran away.

JANESSA: Ran away from what?

NICK: I don't know. I should call Peggy again.

JANESSA: That daughter of yours is so impossible. (leaves the room)

NICK: (dialing) Please answer the phone.

ULYSSES: Hey?

NICK: Ulysses?

ULYSSES: Yeah.

NICK: Is that how you answer the phone? Is your mother there?

ULYSSES: She's out, at the grocery store or something. Are you calling about Charisma?

NICK: Have you heard from her?

ULYSSES: Um..well actually she called and told me she was going to New York with Irvine.

NICK: When did you talk to her? I know she's not in New York because Irvine and Xander are missing too.

ULYSSES: Uhhh?

NICK: Ulysses! Tell me what you know.

ULYSSES: Nothing, just that she went off with Irvine.

NICK: Ulysses if you know something you?d better tell me. I just need to know if she's okay.

ULYSSES: (sighing) All she told me was that she was with Irvine and Xander and that they were okay. I swear she never said where she was.

Scene: 25 Catching On

In J.Adam?s and Miss Charlotte's office.

J.ADAM: (hangs up the phone) This is so cool.

MISS CHARLOTTE: (looks up from her computer screen) What 'cha got?

J.ADAM: The kids on the bus are Charisma Welles, Irvine Preston and Alexander Morris, he's the one in charge. They've been missing for at least two days. The girl, Charisma, called home to say she was okay. They know each other from high school.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Any clues why they stole the bus?

J.ADAM: Not yet.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Where are they now?

J.ADAM: Hard to say. I don't know how fast they?re traveling, or if they even still have the bus. There are eight million routes to California, they could go any one of them.

MISS CHARLOTTE: What about the families? What do they know?

J.ADAM: We?re waiting to get reports from the Welles and Morris families. Mrs. Preston says that her son came home from school in New York to visit for the holiday. He was spending some time with his friends and one day never came home. He's been dating the girl Charisma for over a year. The mother thinks that the girl convinced Irvine to run away with her. She doesn?t know anything about the other kid, Alexander.

MISS CHARLOTTE: So the girl convinced her boyfriend to run away with her. But Alexander is the one in command of the bus. Where does he fit in? Why would they bring a friend with them? And if they were running away, why would they make such a big seen? Wouldn't they quietly ride off somewhere? It doesn't make any sense?

J.ADAM: Once we get the reports from the other families, we'll know whom else we can contact.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Do we have anything else from the Des Moines police?

J.ADAM: I've read most of the reports and they all say the same thing. Alexander is in charge and they're going to California.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Let me read those.

J.ADAM: They're on my desk somewhere.

Miss Charlotte grabs the reports off the desk and begins reading.

Scene: 26 The Tension Builds

CHRIS D.: (to the other passengers) If I could be any kitchen appliance I would be a microwave. How about you?

REED: Hmmm maybe an electric mixer.

JANIS: I think I could be a salad shooter.

CHRIS D.: How about you? (to Irvine)

IRVINE: I don't want to play your game.

CHRIS D.: Oh c'mon it helps pass the time.

IRVINE: No. (changes seats)

CHRIS D.: Okay, so if you could be any animal what would you be?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: A bird. So I could be free.

REED: A butterfly.

JANIS: Why a butterfly?

REED: Because they're pretty.

CHRIS D.: I think I'd be a tiger. They're pretty cool.

JANIS: Maybe an iguana or a Gila monster.

CHRIS D.: You're weird.

Xander and Charisma are arguing.

XANDER: Chaz, you need to relax. Look everyone else is getting along and having a good time. We?re almost there. I thought you couldn?t wait to get to California.

CHARISMA: Look at yourself. You killed a man and your covered in his blood. You don?t see any problem with that? You are holding people against their will. What happened to you? When did you transform into Mr. Psycho?

XANDER: I?m not psycho. Someone needs to be in charge, you guys wimp out the minute something that wasn't written in the script comes your way.

CHARISMA: Your taking this too far. The only reason I?m staying with you is for Irvine, he has this sense of responsibility for you. But you listen to me, if you pull any more of this head knight crap he and I are both out of here.

XANDER: Is that some type of threat?

CHARISMA: Don't even talk to me right now. Your entire presence annoys me. Just get away.

Charisma goes and sits in the back.

XANDER: (leaning over Scott?s shoulder) Hey, stop when we get to the next somewhat of a town. We're gonna eat at a real restaurant and get some clean clothes.

SCOTT: You got it boss.

Scott keeps driving. Chris D. and the other passengers keep playing their game. Irvine and Charisma continue sulking.

SCOTT: Hey boss?

XANDER: Yeah what's up?

SCOTT: How's this town look?

XANDER: (looking out the window) it looks fine. Pull over over there.

Scott pulls over.

XANDER: Okay folks. We are stopping for lunch at a real restaurant. Little Miss Yellow Hat and Gap ad-

REED: My name is Reed.

XANDER: Whatever. You guys go with Chris-

CHRIS D.: Chris D.

XANDER: (sighs) You two go with Chris D., Scott, you go with Irvine and Charisma.

CHARISMA: You trust two complete strangers over your best friends. (pushes past Xander and walks toward the little diner)

XANDER: Pretty pretty princess (grabbing Janis? arm) and I are going shopping. We'll join you at the diner in a little while.

Xander pulls Janis into a small clothing store while the others go into the restaurant.

XANDER: So help me pick out some new stuff.

JANIS: What kind of stuff.

XANDER: New shirts for Scott, Irvine and me. These (grabbing the corner of his shirt) are a little dirty. We look out of place.

JANIS: The only place you wouldn't look out of place is the zoo.

XANDER: (pulls Janis next to him) Look princess, you better be nice to me or you?ll end up like the bus driver. Now help me find some new clothes for Scott and Irvine.

Janis grabs a few T-shirts and a pair of pants.

JANIS: Here you go. These pants will fit you better than the ones you have on. (hands them to him) And there not so out dated either.

XANDER: (scowls) Okay, this is enough. I need a new hat.

JANIS: Why?

XANDER: Everyone needs a hat. It builds character.

JANIS: What character are you going for? Dunce?

XANDER: You just stand there and be standing there until I'm ready to go. (grabs a baseball hat) Let's go. (pulls her toward the check out register)

They join the others at the restaurant.

XANDER: Hey all.

SCOTT: I ordered bacon and pancakes for you boss.

XANDER: (sits down at the counter next to Scott) Thank you Scott. I got you a hat. (hands it to him)

SCOTT: Thanks boss.

CHARISMA: Feel honored Scott, you're officially part of the group. Now all you need to do is wait for him or screw you over.

XANDER: Shut the fuck up Charisma.

IRVINE: Hey! Where in public. Like we need more attention drawn to us. Both of you just eat your food and lets get out of here.

PEARLE: (walks up to the group) Can I get you guys some coffee or anything?

XANDER: Maybe some boysenberry syrup.

PEARLE: Anything else?

XANDER: No.

PEARLE: Well in that case, please watch your language, this is a family restaurant.

CHRIS D.: Hey Alexander?

XANDER: Yeah?

CHRIS D.: Do you think I could drive for awhile?

XANDER: Sure okay. Finish eating.

CHARISMA: Listen to the boss man or he'll go psycho on you.

XANDER: God damn it Chaz! (throws his silverware down) I'm sick of listening to you whine!

Customers begin to stare.

IRVINE: Will you guys keep it down?

XANDER: Your girlfriend is such a baby.

JANIS: Maybe your just an asshole.

XANDER: Who asked you?

PEARLE: That's it. I want you all out of here right now.

XANDER: Good idea. Scott and Chris D. get everyone back on the bus. (throws fifty dollars on the counter)

Everyone gets back on the bus. Little Miss Yellow Hat starts crying again.

XANDER: Chris D. you're up to drive. (tosses the keys to him) Let?s get the fuck out of Kearney Nebraska. (to Little Miss Yellow Hat) Will you shut up! You're giving me such a headache.

JANIS: Look who's talking. You sick twisted fuck. Stop yelling at her. Can?t you see she's already scared of you?

XANDER: And you. (pointing to Janis) I've had about enough of you to.

JANIS: Good. Then let me off this damn bus.

XANDER: Maybe I will. Maybe I'll push you off when we get on the interstate.

JANIS: You don't have the guts to.

XANDER: Wanna bet?

JANIS: You think you're such a ladykiller. Super sexy mister. I'm not scared of you.

XANDER: You should be. (pulls out the gun)

JANIS: Go ahead, point that fucking gun at me. That?s were drawing all your power from.

XANDER: You think this gun gives me power? Pretty pretty princess you have no idea what I'm capable of.

JANIS: Show me what you got boss.

IRVINE: (stepping in between them) Xand, let it go. She's just trying to piss you off.

XANDER: Stay out of this Irv.

CHARISMA: Yeah, stay out of it, Boss man can take care of himself. Don't you know he's got things under control?

XANDER: Nobody asked for your opinion Chaz.

JANIS: No one can tell big bad Xander what to do. Not while he's got a gun in his hand.

Xander slowly puts his finger on the trigger.

XANDER: I'm so sick of your voice. (squeezes the trigger)

CHARISMA: Noooo! (tries to push Janis out of the way)

The bus becomes silent except for the sound of traffic going by. Xander is standing there frozen.

REED: Oh my god.

IRVINE: Chaz! (runs over to her) Chaz!

Charisma is lying on floor of the bus.

JANIS: Augh! Get her off me. Get her off.

IRVINE: Chaz. Hey baby talk to me. (pulls her off Janis) Chaz.

REED: She's dead.

IRVINE: No. (beginning to cry)

JANIS: Ugh. There's blood all over me. Ew.

SCOTT: Damn I just cleaned the bus too.

IRVINE: What the fuck did you just say? (pushes him in the chest) You just cleaned the bus?!

SCOTT: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

XANDER: Irv.

IRVINE: You fuck! (jumps on Xander) What the hell did you do? (begins punching him in the face)

Reed pulls Irvine off Xander.

IRVINE: (runs back over to Charisma) Don't worry baby. I'm gonna take care of you.

XANDER: Irv I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-

IRVINE: Didn't mean to what? You knew what you were doing. I told you to get rid of the guns. I can't believe I let you get this far. You shot her. You shot one of your best friends. Stop this fucking bus. This whole game is over.

XANDER: We can't stop now.

IRVINE: You just killed my girlfriend! I'm not dumping her on the side of the road.

XANDER: I didn't say to, but were in no where Nebraska. What do you want me to do?

IRVINE: I'm not playing with you. Don't forget I have a gun too.

XANDER: Irv, I didn't mean to shoot Charisma. It was all that Janis girl, she was pissing me off. I just wanted her to stop. I got carried away.

IRVINE: I don't care. You killed her. You killed her and the bus driver. Charisma was right you are psycho.

XANDER: I'm not psycho!

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: I want off this bus. I can't deal with this anymore.

XANDER: This is partially your fault. I told you stop crying.

REED: Hey don't put the blame on her, she's not the one who pulled the trigger.

XANDER & IRVINE: (in unison) Shut up.

JANIS: I think we need to stop. I don't want a rotting corpse in the bus with me.

XANDER: This is not about you. This wouldn't have happened if you would've kept your princess mouth shut!

JANIS: Don't try to blame me for killing your trashy friend.

Irvine hears what Janis says and slaps her across the face and knocks her to the floor.

IRVINE: Don't talk about her like that. (beating her head against the floor) Don't you ever say that shit again. Do you hear me? Huh? Huh?

XANDER: Irvine!

Irvine stops and looks up at Xander.

XANDER: Look what you?re doing.

IRVINE: Oh shit.

Janis? head is bleeding profusely.

IRVINE: What's her name?

SCOTT: Janis.

IRVINE: Janis?

Scott feels for a pulse.

SCOTT: (shakes his head) She's dead.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: (starts beating Irvine with her purse) You crazy murdering kids. What gives you the right?

IRVINE: Get the fuck off me!

XANDER: Okay! Everyone just calm down! Scott, clean up that blood. Gap ad-

REED: My name is Reed, not Gap ad.

XANDER: Don't piss me off or I'll add you to that pile. Reed help Scott. Little Miss Yellow Hat, you come and sit up here so I can keep and eye on you. Chris D. Just keep driving until you get tired, I want to get to Denver as soon as possible.

Scott and Reed move the bodies to the last row of the bus. They use Little Miss Yellow Hat's luggage to clean the blood off the floor. Irvine sits alone and looks out the window he is sobbing quietly. Xander is sitting in the first row watching Little Miss Yellow Hat bite her fingernails.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Stop looking at me.

XANDER: Shhh. Don't make me angry. Just go to sleep or something.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: You'll never get away with any of this you crazy-

XANDER: Shhh. (waves the gun in her face) Shut up you fat crybaby. I can get away with anything I want to. Now shh. Observe some silence for the dead before you become one.

Little Miss Yellow Hat doesn't say another word.

Scene: 27 Take It On The Run

The office of Miss Charlotte and J.Adam.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Things are coming together just too well in this case.

J.ADAM: I don't think that's possible.

MISS CHARLOTTE: The Nebraska State Police got a plate match. The last time the bus was seen it was heading west on interstate eighty.

J.ADAM: I want to ask the chief if he'll let us go out there and investigate ourselves.

MISS CHARLOTTE: We won't have any jurisdiction out there.

J.ADAM: I?m sure we can work something out.

MISS CHARLOTTE: I guess so. Here's what I got in the fax today. A gas station on the Iowa border was broken into. A witness says it was a group of kids travelling in a bus.

J.ADAM: Sounds like our gang.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Go talk to the chief, I'll see if I can make some arrangements to get out there.

J.Adam grabs his jacket and leaves the office. Miss Charlotte grabs the phone.

Scene: 28 Mile High

Somewhere in Colorado.

CHRIS D.: Hey Alexander?

XANDER: What 'cha need CD?

CHRIS D.: Think I can get a break here? I'm starting to fall asleep at the wheel.

XANDER: Yeah, yeah sure. I'll drive. How far are we from Denver?

CHRIS D.: The last sign read eighty six miles.

XANDER: Good then we can stop there for the night.

Chris D. pulls over and Xander drives the rest of the way to Denver. Xander decides to stop at a twenty four hour restaurant.

XANDER: Hey Irv. (shaking him gently)

IRVINE: (mumbling) No yet just five more minutes.

XANDER: Okay everyone where staying here for the night. There's an all night restaurant so if you need to get something to eat go ahead.

Little Miss Yellow Hat grabs her purse and makes a break for the door.

XANDER: Where do you think you're going?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Umm, I, I, need to use the bathroom.

XANDER: Not without an escort. CD! Take Little Miss Yellow Hat to the bathroom. I don?t trust her.

Chris D. grabs Little Miss Yellow Hat's arm and leads her into the restaurant.

SCOTT: Hey boss, I'm going go sit in those woods and take a smoke break.

XANDER: Okay.

REED: Are you gonna let us go?

XANDER: No.

REED: Are you gonna kill us?

XANDER: No.

REED: Then what are you gonna-

XANDER: Just be quiet. I'm tired. Do you smoke?

REED: Not really. I'm allergic to cigarettes so-

XANDER: No no no no. Ugh! (grabs his lunch box) Kids today. Irvine! (yelling in his face) Wake up you lazy freak!

IRVINE: (jumps) What!? You psycho. I was sleeping.

XANDER: I know, but I got an idea. You need to unwind, calm down, you know. C'mon (patting his lunchbox) Uncle Scrooge has just what you need.

IRVINE: Where are the others?

XANDER: Little Miss Yellow Hat and Chris D. are inside. Scott is hiding in the woods.

IRVINE: Hiding?

XANDER: Let's go. C'mon Gap ad you too.

REED: My name is Reed. And where are we going?

XANDER: You know if you don't stop asking stupid questions, I will kill you. Don't worry about it, I've got everything under control.

The three find Scott in the woods. They sit down on the grass. Xander opens up his lunch box, grabs a baggy and some papers. The four talk as they pass a joint around.

SCOTT: Maybe if they all had afros or something.

XANDER: I don't think that would help at all.

IRVINE: Maybe if they could just sing.

SCOTT: They're 'performers' not singers.

REED: I've got something they can perform on.

They all laugh.

REED: Did you guys hear a noise?

XANDER: No. Calm down. (passes the joint to him) You gotta give in.

IRVINE: I haven't done this since high school.

SCOTT: Feeling strangely fine..

They continue to talk and laugh.

REED: Okay (trying not to laugh while he talks) I know I heard something.

IRVINE: (jokingly) Ohhhhh. Maybe it's the cops! They've come to bust us.

REED: Shhh! I'm serious. Shut up you guys.

They listen. A crackling noise is heard.

SCOTT: Are there wild animals out here?

XANDER: Lion and tigers and bears.

IRVINE: Oh my!

SCOTT: Shhh. I'm serious.

The noise gets louder.

CHRIS D.: Hey guys?

SCOTT: Chris D.?

CHRIS D.: Where are you guys?

XANDER: (turning on his flashlight) Follow my light. Sending out an SOS, sending an out an SOS?

CHRIS D.: (with Little Miss Yellow Hat, finally joining the group) Why are you guys back here? Oh. Pass that shit my way.

XANDER: Have a seat Little Miss.

Little Miss Yellow Hat remains standing.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: No.

XANDER: (points the gun at her) Wrong answer.

Little Miss Yellow Hat sits down promptly.

REED: (to Little Miss Yellow Hat) Was the food any good? I'm kinda hungry all of a sudden.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: It was okay. What are you guys doing out here?

SCOTT: Just killing time.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: You got the killing part right.

XANDER: What did you say?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Nothing.

SCOTT: I think she was being a smart ass.

IRVINE: Definitely a smart ass remark.

CHRIS D.: Smart ass.

XANDER: What do you think Reed? Should we kill her?

CHRIS D.: Maybe just maim her.

IRVINE: What the hell we already killed three, what's one more?

Little Miss Yellow Hat gets a nervous look on her face.

SCOTT: You know, now that Reed mentioned it, I'm kinda hungry too.

XANDER: Eh. I could eat. But first, what should we do about our Little Miss?

IRVINE: Maim worked for me.

XANDER: No I got an even better idea. Hey Scott, go see if you can open the luggage area on the bus.

SCOTT: Right now?

XANDER: Yes right now.

SCOTT: (gets up and starts to walk back toward the bus) But I'm so hungry.

XANDER: Irv, reach in my lunch box and roll up another. I'll be right back.

Xander goes out to the bus. He and Scott begin to open up all the luggage.

SCOTT: What are looking for exactly?

XANDER: Shoe laces.

They gather as many shoe laces as possible.

SCOTT: (with shoe laces in his hand) And now?

XANDER: Now we bury the girls before Irvine comes back to reality. Help me drag them out of here.

When they're done burying the girls they rejoin the group.

IRVINE: Did you find what you were looking for? (passing the joint to Xander)

XANDER: Baby you know it. Show 'em Scott.

Scott holds out the shoe laces.

CHRIS D.: Ooh. Were gonna spin a web out of shoe laces.

REED: Do you guys think we could eat first? I can't believe how hungry I am.

XANDER: Give me that thing. (holding out his hand) Chris D. start tying these together. Here you go Little Miss Yellow Hat, take a puff.

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: No!

The boys use the shoelaces to tie Little Miss Yellow Hat to a tree. They tease and badger her until she cries. She is forced to smoke with the boys and she does until she passes out.

REED: So you think we can eat now?

IRVINE: I'm a little hungry myself. Whatta ya think Xand?

XANDER: Eh. I could eat.

REED: You think they have Moons Over My Hammy?

CHRIS D.: That's Denny's!

The boys get something to eat before getting back on the road.

Scene: 29 What Was That You Said?

The Colorado State Police Station.

TRAVIS: (introducing himself to Miss Charlotte and J.Adam) I'm Travis Paige, I'm assigned to..uh.. baby-sit you guys.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Hello (extending her hand) I'm Charlotte, Miss Charlotte.

J.ADAM: J.Adam. Nice to meet you.

TRAVIS: So you're from where?

MISS CHARLOTTE: The Chicago area.

TRAVIS: (sitting on the edge of his desk) Oh. I had a cousin that lived in Chicago. (pauses to think)

Miss Charlotte and J. Adam are still standing, they exchange glances.

TRAVIS: (snapping out of his daze) Oh excuse me. Did you folks want some coffee or anything?

J.ADAM: No thanks.

TRAVIS: Donuts? My secretary bakes them herself.

MISS CHARLOTTE: No, but thank you. We'd really just like to discuss the case.

TRAVIS: The case? Which case was that again?

J.ADAM: The kids on the bus.

TRAVIS: Kids on the bus. (leans back in his chair) Hmm. I don't remember anything about kids on a bus. Got some kids at a ski lodge, but a bus? Are you sure about that?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Yes, quite. Some kids from the east coast hijacked a bus and killed the driver. We have reason to believe they?re headed to California and are somewhere in Colorado. We think they might stop in Denver.

TRAVIS: Wait a minute, let me get this straight. Some kids stole a bus and killed the driver? What kind of bus was it? And who's driving the bus now?

J.ADAM: We're not sure, probably one of the kids. They had several hostages but most of them were let go. However, it's reported that they still have a few.

TRAVIS: One of the kids is driving? Do they have a CDL?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Not that we know of, but-

TRAVIS: It's against the law to drive a bus without a CDL.

J.ADAM: (rubs his chin) We know. But they've also killed at least two people and we're worried that they might kill more.

TRAVIS: (pouring himself another cup of coffee) Might kill someone if they don't know how to drive that machine properly.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Maybe you could help us find them.

TRAVIS: Hmm. How could I help you?

J.ADAM: You see, we are out of jurisdiction but we made arrangements with your chief to work on the case out here as long as we're with someone from out here.

TRAVIS: I'm not following you.

MISS CHARLOTTE: That's where you come in.

TRAVIS: I still don't get you.

MISS CHARLOTTTE: Your chief has assigned this case and us to you.

TRAVIS: (takes a bite out of his donut) Baby sitting.

J.ADAM: Sort of.

TRAVIS: Well I got some other stuff to do right now, but I guess you all could ride along with me.

MISS CHARLOTTE: We we're hoping to get started right away.

TRAVIS: Well?

J.ADAM: But we?ll do rounds with you, that would be very nice (elbows Miss Charlotte in the ribs)

TRAVIS: Well then let's go. Are you two sure you don't want a donut for the road?

MISS CHARLOTTE: No we're fine really.

TRAVIS: Alrighty.

They grab their jackets and head out.

MISS CHARLOTTE: (whispering to J.Adam) Why'd you hit me?

J.ADAM: Because, this guys our only help out here. Just go along with what he says.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Ugh! I'm going to strangle someone by the end of the day.

J.ADAM: Stop being so over dramatic.

Scene: 30 Pretzels

Back on the bus with Scott driving. He is playing around with the radio.

SCOTT: Damn mountains! I can?t find a decent radio station.

XANDER: I know, fucking mountains.

IRVINE: (waking up) Where are we?

CHRIS D.: You sleep a lot.

IRVINE: You talk a lot.

REED: We're still in Colorado. Exactly where, I'm not really sure.

IRVINE: (looking around the bus in confusion) Hey Xand?

Xander keeps talking to Scott.

IRVINE: (yelling) Hey boss man!

XANDER: (turning around) What's the deal?

IRVINE: I need to have words with you.

XANDER: (joining Irvine in the back of the bus) What?

IRVINE: What? Um I've seemed to misplace my dead girlfriend. (getting angry) What did you do with her?

XANDER: Don't you remember? We buried her and that other girl last night.

IRVINE: No I don't remember. Quit fucking around with me.

XANDER: I?m serious! Last night.

IRVINE: I have a headache, what exactly happened last night? I don?t remember much.

XANDER: You got fucked up last night.

IRVINE: I vaguely remember that. No I don't believe you, I know I would not just dump her body along the side of the road.

XANDER: We didn't. We buried her.

IRVINE: Buried?

XANDER: Ask Scott. I'm telling you the truth.

IRVINE: What am I gonna do? I mean her parents must be looking for her. Ulysses. If I know Chaz, she called him. I gotta do something. I can't just leave her on the side of the road. Xand! Why did you let me do that?

XANDER: We were high brother man. It seemed like a good idea.

SCOTT: Boss!

XANDER: I'll be right back. (walks to the front of the bus) What do you need?

SCOTT: I know we stopped last night but we didn't fuel up. We're gonna have to stop for gas soon.

XANDER: All right, it's your call, I trust you buddy. (slaps him on the back and walks back to Irvine) Okay, I feel really guilty about Charisma, you know that, I'll do anything you want to do. When we get settled out in California, we can come back and rebury her.

IRVINE: You are so sick! Her family. They have a right to know. They're gonna come looking for me. What am I supposed to tell them. Oh Chaz, yeah, she just disappeared on day. C'mon they're gonna know that I'm involved. (beginning to cry) The only reason I did this was because I knew that deep down she wanted to go to California. I did this for her, and now she's gone. Why are we slowing down?

XANDER: We need to fuel up. I'm gonna go pay while Chris D. puts the gas in. Hey just relax, I'll figure something out. You want something from the store?

Irvine shakes his head.

XANDER: Okay, Chris D. put the gas in, Scott, keep this thing running. Reed?you stay here, I'm gonna go pay. Anybody want anything?

Xander talks with Chris D. as he fuels up.

CHRIS D.: How much longer?

XANDER: Not really sure. This thing (hitting the side of the bus) is kinda slow.

The pump stops.

CHRIS D.: Seventy some.

XANDER: Alright, get back on the bus I'll go?pay.

Chris D. gets back on the bus while Xander goes to...pay. The boys are waiting on the bus.

REED: I gotta use the bathroom.

SCOTT: Use the one in the back.

REED: C'mon I gotta-

SCOTT: We don?t have time. Use the one in the back.

REED: I'm not gonna run away.

SCOTT: Right, because you're gonna use the one in the back.

REED: (mumbling to himself) I miss urinals.

Xander is standing in line inside the gas station. He reaches for a bag of pretzels. He and the person in front of him grab the bag at the same time. They exchange glances, neither one lets go.

KALLIE: Too slow buddy, they're mine.

XANDER: But that's the last bag.

KALLIE: Tough. I'm hungrier than you are.

XANDER: What did you say?

KALLIE: Look, I'm not letting go, I was here first, the pretzels are mine. (she yanks them out of his hand)

XANDER: Oh yeah?

Kallie puts the pretzels on the counter and reaches into her purse for her wallet. Xander pulls out the gun, shoots her in the chest, grabs the pretzels and runs out of the store.

XANDER: (out of breath) Let's get out of here.

SCOTT: What's the big hurry boss? (putting the bus in gear)

IRVINE: Now what did you do?

XANDER: What makes you think I did something? (still trying to catch his breath)

REED: You do have bloodstains on your shirt.

IRVINE: Xand?

XANDER: She wouldn't let me have the last bag of Slinkys. You know how much I like those.

IRVINE: What did you do?

XANDER: (lowering his voice) I shot her.

IRVINE: What?! Why? Augh! You just keep making it worse! What is your problem? For pretzels? You are so so I don't know but your something. God! In front of people, in broad daylight You! Ugh! I can't believe you!

XANDER: Calm down! I can handle this! I've handlde everything else, I can handle this too.

IRVINE: You don't think the police are on to us? You don't think they're trying to find us? You've made such a mess of things! Why don't you just hang a sign out the back window? Look at you! Blood everywhere. You're insane.

XANDER: Look I don't need you to preach to me. What do you want from me? Huh? Does this blood bother you? You want me to change? I can't undo what has happened, so just chill. Just let me take care of things. The bus hits something and jostles the passengers around.

REED: What was that?

XANDER: Scott what happened?

SCOTT: I'm not sure but I think we got a flat tire.

CHRIS D.: Great.SCOTT: I think we're gonna have to stop.

XANDER: Look for a rest area or something. Dammit this is all I need.

IRVINE: You better hope no one spots us. Scott pulls over at a rest area.

XANDER: Chris D. help me change the tire.

REED: How are they gonna do that, you can't exactly jack it up and change the tire.

IRVINE: (with sarcasm) Xander's got things under control.

REED: Oh. Chris D. and Xander get off the bus to change the tire. Scott, Reed, and Irvine wait on the bus.

Scene: 31 What Ever Happened To Little Miss Yellow Hat?

J.Adam and Miss Charlotte are sitting in Travis? car. A voice comes over the radio.

VAL: Travis are you listening?

TRAVIS: (picks up the radio) Hey there Val, what cha got for me?

VAL: Some folks found a woman tired to a tree near Barney's Fuel 'N Food. Go check it out.

TRAVIS: On my way. (turns the car around)

J.ADAM: Finally, something interesting.

TRAVIS: Well folks, I know we haven't touched your case but, I promise after I straighten this out we'll get to work on it.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Well thank you, I would hate to waste such a long trip out here. The three pull into Barney's Fuel 'N Food.

There is a swarm of media and people standing on the perimeter of the woods. Miss Charlotte, J.Adam and Travis get out of the car to investigate.

TRAVIS: Stand back folks. (as he pushes his way through the crowd)

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Oh officer thank God. Those crazy kids, tied me to that tree and did who knows what to me. Ugh! They killed the driver, and the other girls-

TRAVIS: Slow down. I can't understand a word you're saying. What kids?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Some kids, they hijacked the bus.

MISS CHARLOTTE: (overhearing the conversation) Did you say some kids that hijacked the bus?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Um hmm. In Cleveland they just took control. The one guy in charge, Xander is what his friends called him, he's crazy, he killed the bus driver and the girls. (starts crying again) Oh I just want to go home.

J.ADAM: Can you tell us anything else about them. When did they leave you here? Why did they leave you here? Do they still have hostages? What girls did he kill?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: They were fighting as usual. She wanted to go home.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Who wanted to go home?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: The girlfriend, Charisma.

J.ADAM: Who was fighting with Charisma?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Xander. He fought with everyone except the two boys.

TRAVIS: Two boys?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: Scott and Chris, Chris D. He insisted on being called Chris D. They met on the bus.

TRAVIS: Did any of them mention anything about having a CDL? Little Miss Yellow Hat gets a confused look on her face. She continues to answer their questions about the kids.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Okay this is very important. Why did they kill the girl?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: She got in the way. Xander was going to shoot Janis. She was just a passenger. They were always fighting too. But Charisma went to push her out of the way and the bullet hit her. Then the boyfriend got mad and started beating the other girl. He kept beating her head against the floor.

J.ADAM: Do you know why they tied you to the tree?

LITTLE MISS YELLOW HAT: I honestly thought they were going to kill me. They sat around and smoked pot. I don?t know why they tied me to the tree.

TRAVIS: Smoking pot? That's a felony around here. No CDL and smoking pot. Who do these kids think they are? They decide to go back into town to make an official statement. Little Miss Yellow Hat cries the entire way back. Travis sings along to the radio.

Scene: 32 Let It Rain Down

On the side of the road. Scott, Irvine and Reed have all gotten off the bus.

XANDER: Is it working?

SCOTT: Yeah I think so. Almost got it.

CHRIS D.: Alright, alright. We're ready to go.

XANDER: Back on the bus everyone! Let's get out of here!

IRVINE: (to Xander as he?s getting on the bus) Run. Run as fast as you can.

REED: Hey Xander, I know you don't trust me, but maybe I could drive?

XANDER: No I'm driving. Get on. (he starts up the bus and gets back on the road)

SCOTT: (to Chris D.) Hey just think we'll be there in no time.

CHRIS D.: I wanna get a map of the star houses.

SCOTT: I want to go to some clubs and pick up some chicks.

IRVINE: Hey guys, at this rate, 'boss man ' will shoot you before you get there. Scott and Chris D. don?t respond. Reed and Irvine fall asleep. Miss Charlotte, Travis and J.Adam got a lead on which way the kids are headed.

TRAVIS: They were last spotted out this way. Now because of the gas station incident, there's a shoot on site command.

MISS CHARLOTTE: I agree with that, those kids are very dangerous. They way he shot that girls for a bag of pretzels. He's very unstable.

J.ADAM: Do you think we could drive just a little faster? I know they're driving a bus and all but they do have a half a day's jump on us.

TRAVIS: I suppose we could go just a little faster.

J.ADAM: Thank you. They drive in silence. Scott and Chris D. are playing go fish. Irvine is still sleeping. Reed is staring out the window. He gets up and goes to talk to Xander.

REED: Hey.

XANDER: What 'cha want Gap ad?

REED: You know, although I?m a hostage and all, I won't cause you any trouble or anything. I mean when all of this is over. I won't say anything to anyone.

XANDER: Okay.

REED: Okay then. (he walks back to his seat) It begins to rain.

XANDER: Fuck! I hate driving in the rain. Hey Gap ad or Reed or whatever your name is. Get up here.

REED: (runs to the front) Yeah?

XANDER: Can you drive in the rain? I hate to drive in the rain. Wanna drive?

REED: (with enthusiasm) Sure!

XANDER: Okay I'm gonna pull over up here. In the police car with Travis, Miss Charlotte and J.Adam.

J.ADAM: Hey what's that over there? Do you think there was an accident or something?

MISS CHARLOTTE: It's hard to tell from here. How do we get over there?

TRAVIS: I know a short cut.

They take the short cut. Xander and Reed switch places.

XANDER: Okay, just keep heading west on eighty.

REED: No problem.

In the police car.

TRAVIS: Hmm. Well it looks like a bus. But they seem to be moving along.

MISS CHARLOTTE: A bus? Maybe it's them. Catch up to them!

TRAVIS: I'm driving as fast as the law permits.

J.Adam and Miss Charlotte sigh.

REED: Hey Xander?

XANDER: What?

REED: Maybe I'm being paranoid but I think that's a cop car behind us.

XANDER: (getting up and looking out the window) Okay, don't panic. Um. Just keep going. The lights aren't on or anything. Maybe they're just checking for speeders. Stay at the limit.

REED: Alright.

In the car.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Can you tell what kind of bus that is?

TRAVIS: Not from here.

J.ADAM: I got this feeling in my gut. I think it's them.

TRAVIS: You sure you don't have indigestion or something?

J.ADAM: Uhh I'm pretty sure.

TRAVIS: When I have stomach trouble I usually take some Acid Blaster.

J.ADAM: I think I'll be fine.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Boy the rain-

On the bus.

REED: is really starting to come down hard.

XANDER: You're okay to drive right?

REED: Just, the mountains are a little tricky.

The bus slips every now and then.

CHRIS D.: What?s the frequency boss? Why'd you let the Gap ad drive?

XANDER: I'm just a little tired, it'll keep him quiet and out of trouble.

SCOTT: Good plan boss. Not much of driver in the rain though.

XANDER: Yeah, but I hate driving in the rain.

SCOTT: Me too.

XANDER: I'm gonna try to get some sleep. You guys keep an eye on the Gap ad for me. (pulls his hat down to cover his eyes and leans against the window)

With J.Adam Miss Charlotte and Travis.

J.ADAM: Oh my God!

MISS CHARLOTTE: What is it?

J.ADAM: That's a Blackdog.

TRAVIS: A Blackdog? MISS CHARLOTTE: Those kids are on a Blackdog.

J.ADAM: They look as if they're having trouble with the rain. Maybe we can catch up with them.

Back on the bus.

REED: They're still behind us.

XANDER: Fuck. Just keep driving.

SCOTT: What's the problem boss?

XANDER: Fuckin? cops are behind us.

Scott and Chris D. look out the window.

CHRIS D.: Whatta ya gonna do?

XANDER: I don't know yet. As long as they don't turn the lights on I'm not gonna worry.

In the cop car.

TRAVIS: I can see some people inside.

J.ADAM: What are they doing?

TRAVIS: Can't really tell, but I know they're moving around.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Think they're on to us?

J.ADAM: Maybe. I think we should pull 'em over.

TRAVIS: We need a definite plate match first, and I can't read it from here. Let me get a little closer.

On the bus.

SCOTT: They're still back there.

XANDER: Shit.

CHRIS D.: I think they're following us. They're waiting for a reason to pull us over.

XANDER: Augh. Damn it. Rain, mountains and cops. Somebody wake up Irvine.

Chris D. wakes up Irvine.

IRVINE: (grumpy) What?

CHRIS D.: Alexander told me to wake you up.

IRVINE: Why?

CHRIS D.: Not sure really.

IRVINE: Hey Xand? Why'd you wake me up?

XANDER: We have a slight problem.

IRVINE: Slight? How slight?

XANDER: The police have been following us for about half an hour now.

IRVINE: Now what did you do?

XANDER: Nothing! They came out of nowhere.

IRVINE: Hmm. Oh man, they know. You might as well just pull over.

XANDER: No way!

IRVINE: I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before they pull you over. Just wait and see.

Back in the police car.

TRAVIS: Thanks Val we got a match. We're gonna go ahead and try to apprehend these kids. Send some back up out this way.

Travis turns on the lights and siren. The boys get nervous.

REED: Uh?

XANDER: I see it.

REED: What should I do?

IRVINE: Pull over duh! Don't make it worse.

XANDER: No! Keep going!

IRVINE: You're so dumb, they've got to have back up on the way. They know its? us.

XANDER: No I can get out of this.

SCOTT: I'm with you boss.

CHRIS D.: Me too.

REED: So what should I do?

XANDER: Keep going.

The police car gets closer. Reed gets more and more nervous.

TRAVIS: They're not stopping.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Obviously. Try to get in front of them.

Travis speeds up.

CHRIS D.: What are they doing now?

IRVINE: They're trying to slow us down by getting in front of us. Don't any you ever watch those police shows on TV, it's all very standard.

XANDER: Don't slow down.

REED: I think I have too.

Reed slows down.

XANDER: I told you not to slow down!

REED: I'm gonna run the car over if I don't.

XANDER: Who gives a fuck!

REED: I...I...

He continues to slow down.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Good it's working.

TRAVIS: Don't be too sure yet.

XANDER: Damn it I said to keep going. (he slams his foot down on top of Reed?s)

Reed freaks out and the bus swerves wildly.

MISS CHARLOTTE: What's going on?

J.ADAM: They've lost control of the bus. Get out of the way!

The bus is all over the road. Reed loses control and the bus slams into the side of the mountain. Travis, Miss Charlotte and J. Adam manage to get out of the way and stop a couple hundred feet in front of them.

TRAVIS: You two okay?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Um hmm.

J.ADAM: Fine. Fine.

TRAVIS: Let's go check on the kids.

Reed has hit his head on the steering wheel and is unconscious.

XANDER: Whoa! Everyone okay? Okay guys?

SCOTT: That was awesome!

CHRIS D.: I think I broke my arm.

XANDER: Irv?

IRVINE: I'm fine. I cut my hand on something. I told you just to stop!

XANDER: Let me see your arm CD.

CHRIS D.: It really hurts.

XANDER: Okay, we got to get out of here before they catch us. Scott, grab the blankets and the first aid kit.

IRVINE: You guys are crazy, where are you going to run too? We're in the Rocky Mountains! Chris D., you need help. And what about Reed?

XANDER: I got the emergency door open, I don't see anyone back there.

SCOTT: What are we gonna do?

XANDER: Head back to town, I'll think of a new plan. If there's any sign of trouble, we split up and keep heading back to town.

IRVINE: You guys are gonna run for it?

XANDER: C'mon Irv, we can do it. We leave Reed here. With any luck he'll have amnesia and they'll blame it all on him.

IRVINE: You are so sick. I'm not going with you. I'm going to explain everything to the cops. Charisma, the driver, the other girl and the gas station. All of it.

XANDER: Whatever, we're outta here.

Walking toward the bus.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Be careful, it's too quiet in there. I bet they've been watching us.

J.ADAM: I'm ready for 'em (reaches for his gun)

Irvine is sweating. He watches Xander, Scott and Chris D. run until they're out of sight. He hears voices, and looks out the window. He sees Travis, Miss Charlotte and J.Adam getting closer. He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

TRAVIS: The door just opened.

J.ADAM: Remember he's armed.

Irvine steps off the bus. It?s still raining. He tucks his hands under his arms to keep them warm.

TRAVIS: Put your hands up!

IRVINE: Wait I need some help. There's someone hurt on the bus.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Do as he says! Up where we can see them.

Irvine reaches into his coat pocket for a handkerchief to wrap around his hand.

J.ADAM: He's going for something.

Miss Charlotte grabs her gun and fires it at Irvine. The bullet hits him in the center of the chest. He falls face down into a puddle. Miss Charlotte, J.Adam and Travis run over to him.

TRAVIS: I don't see a gun anywhere.

J.ADAM: Maybe he threw it.

TRAVIS: I don't think so. I think you fired prematurely.

Down the road.

XANDER: Did you guys hear that?

SCOTT: (running along side of him) What boss?

XANDER: I thought I heard something. (stopping and looking back in the direction of the bus)

CHRIS D.: I kinda heard something.

XANDER: Yeah? What did it sound like?

CHRIS D.: Gun fire?

XANDER: That's my boy Irv! He'll meet us back in town. I knew he'd come through for me. C'mon before the back up arrives.

At the bus.

TRAVIS: I've looked all over for a gun. I can't find one anywhere.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Then what was he reaching for?

J.ADAM: He's got a handkerchief in his hand.

TRAVIS: A handkerchief?

MISS CHARLOTTE: I didn't know. I thought?

Back up and an ambulance arrives. They load Irvine and Reed into the ambulance and drive away.

Scene: 33 Locked In

In a hotel room back in town. Xander, Scott, and Chris D. are watching TV and eating a pizza.

SCOTT: So do we get the Playboy channel or Spice TV or anything?

XANDER: (flipping channels) I don?t think so. Just regular cable.

A knock is heard at the door.

XANDER: Maybe that's Irv! (jumps off the bed)

CHRIS D.: How would he know how to find us?

XANDER: Don't underestimate the powers of college man Irv. (looks out the peep hole) Oh shit.

SCOTT: What? What is it?

XANDER: It's the cops.

The knocking continues.

J.ADAM: Hello?

XANDER: Fuck! Shut everything off and be quiet. Who's there?

TRAVIS: Colorado State Police, we'd like to ask you a few questions.

XANDER: About what?

J.ADAM: Could you open the door please?

XANDER: No I don't want any Avon.

J.ADAM: (to Miss Charlotte and Travis) He won't open the door. What can we do?

MISS CHARLOTTE: Get the office clerk to open it.

TRAVIS: I'll go get him.

Travis goes to the main office. Xander continues to watch them out the window.

XANDER: Okay they're leaving. I'm sure they'll be back. Gather everything up. We're getting out of here.

Scott and Chris D. start collecting their things.

SCOTT: I think that's everything.

XANDER: Good, let's get out of here.

There hear the door unlocking.

XANDER: Oh shit, they got the key.

CHRIS D.: Now what?

XANDER: Stay in the bathroom. I'll take care of things.

Travis opens the door slowly. Xander is standing in a dark corner, gun ready. Miss Charlotte enters first.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Hello?

Xander doesn't move.

MISS CHARLOTTE: I hope he didn?t leave.

J.ADAM: Impossible, I never took my eyes off the door.

MISS CHARLOTTE: Hello?

Xander emerges from the shadow and fires at Miss Charlotte. Travis and J.Adam Run in to find her on the floor. J.Adam instantly fires at Xander. He gets him in the leg. Xander falls to the floor but manages to keep firing. Travis is hit in the cross fire. He drops his gun. Scott and Chris D. come out of the bathroom to see what?s happening.

SCOTT: Boss! (he grabs for Travis? gun)

J.Adam shoot him before he has a chance to get it. He dies instantly. Chris D. is in shook he just stand back and watches everything. He looks at Xander. Xander is lying on the floor covered in his own blood for once. He looks around the room and sees Scott. He takes a deep breath and pulls himself to his knees. J.Adam is checking Miss Charlotte?s pulse. Xander points the gun at him and fires. The bullet hits J.Adam in the back of the head. Xander falls back to the floor and dies. Chris D. runs out of the room.

Scene: 34 Premiere

There's a long line outside the movie theatre. A limo pulls up along the curb, the door opens and a couple gets out. They wait at the door.

HAVEN: Excuse me we have invitations from the director.

MARSHALL: What's you name?

HAVEN: The Sandoval party.

MARSHALL: (scanning the list) Okay you two go ahead.

The couple enters the theatre and find seats.

HAVEN: Oh honey, this is so exciting. I've never been to a movie premiere before. When do we get to meet you director friend?

CHRIS D.: Gap ad!

REED: (standing up) Hey!

CHRIS D.: (shaking hands with Haven) Hey I'm Chris D.

HAVEN: Thank you for inviting us.

CHRIS D.: No problem. Gap ad and I go way back (winks at Reed) Hey I'll catch you two after the show.

The lights dim and the movie starts. A title appears on the screen. It reads the Jitney Transaction. A story by Boss and Brother Man...

Back to top

Pink Elephants

An original story written by:

Debra Cantú

Back to top

The Daily Grind

An original story written by:

Debra Cantú

It cold enough to see your breath, cold enough that the city shuts the fountains off. Cold enough to start throwing salt on the sidewalks. The Coffee Princess was sitting on the front steps of the church across the street from his house. He loved his house and he loved having roommates but sometimes living with eight other people got to him. There was a party going on in his house but he wasn't in the mood for it tonight. So there he sat on the church steps. He saw a figure in the distance. It looked like someone walking a dog. A girl and her dog. Not just any girl. The girl that sat three rows behind and two seats to the left of him in composition class. He watched her leave footprints in the freshly fallen snow. Four paw prints, two foot prints. Her boots must have had a four inch heel on them. When he realized he could no longer feel his fingers he decided to head back up to the house. Things must have quieted down by now. Back at the house in a dark bedroom, an alarm clock is heard going off.

DONOVAN: (swatting at her alarm clock) Uh, I hear you.

She gets up to go to the bathroom. It's still dark outside. As she walks down the hallway she knocks over bottles and cans. She reaches for the light switch and is startled to see her roommate, Zarl passed out on the floor. There is vomit sprayed all over the toilet and the floor.

DONOVAN: Yuk (she kicks Zarl gently in the side) Hey! Get up.

ZARL: (slowly opens his eyes) Hi.

DONOVAN: I need to pee, clean this place up.

ZARL: I don't think I can move right now.

Donovan walks out of the bathroom back down the hall and knocks on Kordt's door.

DONOVAN: Kordt?

KORDT: (answers the door instantly) Hey Don, what's up?

DONOVAN: Did I wake you up?

KORDT: No I was just playing my guitar.

DONOVAN: Can I use your bathroom? Zarl is passed out in a puddle of vomit in ours.

KORDT: Sure.

DONOVAN: Thanks Kordt.

Donovan closes the bathroom door. Back in her bedroom, her roommate Rhiannon is searching for something under her bed.

RHIANNON: Hey Don, why are you up?

DONOVAN: I have to work at seven. These parties are starting to affect me. The house is trashed, Zarl is passed out in our bathroom. (sighs) What are you looking for?

RHIANNON: (hesitating) Ummm nothing.(stands up quickly)

DONOVAN: I'm going to take a shower, in Kordt's bathroom. (exits)

RHIANNON: (talking to herself) Gosh I'm so hungry.

She walks into the kitchen, hears voices coming from the balcony off the kitchen, and notices the screen door open.

MARLYN: Hey it's Rhiannon!

MARLYN, POLO & JASON: Rhiannon! Rhiannon! Rhiannon! (singing in unison)

RHIANNON: Crazy pot heads.

POLO: So did you find what you were looking for?

JASON: (sings) but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

RHIANNON: No. I think we used it all. Hey close the door, it's getting cold in here. (rubbing her hands together) I'm going to make a snack, you guys want something?

POLO: Eggs. Half scrambled, half over easy. Mmmm.

MARLYN: Eggs. Sounds yummy. Hey Rhiannon, we still have a little in here want a hit?

RHIANNON: (looking back inside the house) Make sure Donovan doesn't see. (fires up with the boys)

Zarl is crawling around the house trying to find any trace of liquor. Donovan finds him in her room.

DONOVAN: What the hell are you doing in my room?

ZARL: Don? Where's the Coffee Princess? I can't find him anywhere? He's got my Jack and I'm so thirsty.

DONOVAN: (with sarcasm) Maybe he's in your room, you drunken little bastard. (shoo's him out of her room)

Zarl crawls out of the room.Donovan quickly gets ready for work.

DONOVAN: (entering the kitchen) Rhiannon?

RHIANNON: (runs into the kitchen and begins cracking eggs) Oh hey Don, I was just uh (grabbing a spatula) making some eggs for the boys. Want some?

DONOVAN: They're still awake? (steps out onto the balcony) Hey guys.

POLO, JASON & MARLYN: (in unison) Don!

POLO: You're leaving? The party is just starting. Don't go yet.

DONOVAN: It's six thirty, I have to work in half an hour. See you guys later tonight. Oh have you guys seen the Coffee Princess? Zarl, who you might want to keep an eye on, was looking for him. Bye all.

Donovan leaves. Zarl wanders out to the balcony.

ZARL: Hey there you guys are. I'm so glad I found you. I thought I was in the wrong house. I can't find the Coffee Princess, is he out here?

JASON: Haven't seen him hours.

RHIANNON: Want some eggs?

ZARL: No but I'll take a beer.

JASON: That was gone hours ago too.

KUHITSEHYA: (from the kitchen) Shut the fuck up!

They all turn around to see Kuhitsehya standing in the doorway.

POLO: So I guess you don't want any eggs? There mighty tasty ya know.

KUHITSEHYA: (glaring at them) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're upsetting my muses. (storms off the balcony)

MARLYN: You know guys, I love you all as roommates but I have to say that Kuhitsehya is my favorite. She's just pumps nothing but love for us all.

RHIANNON: How many of you guys have class today?

POLO: I guess that would be me. The Coffee Princess and I have music theory at noon.

JASON: Where is the Coffee Princess anyway?

ZARL: Twilight Zone. (he says as he lies down on his stomach on the balcony)

They all give Zarl a strange look.

RHIANNON: Speaking of coffee any one want some?

MARLYN: I'll take a cup.

POLO: No, I think I'll take a nap before class. We'll finish this party tomorrow, right, right? Night kids. (retreats to his room)

RHIANNON: Uh oh. That's the last of the coffee. I have to get some before the Coffee Princess turns up.

JASON: Maybe he got lucky.

ZARL: (with astonishment) The Coffee Princess?

JASON: It could happen.

COFFEE PRINCESS: (wanders into the kitchen covered with snow) Morning.

RHIANNON: Wow you are alive. Where have you been?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Is that coffee? I really need some.

RHIANNON: Yeah. Here you go. (hands him her cup) So where did you disappear to last night?

COFFEE PRINCESS: (holds up his hand) Don't speak to me until I finish my coffee.

ZARL: (to the Coffee Princess) Can I borrow your car today, I need to-

COFFEE PRINCESS: (angrily) Silence! (pauses) Until I finish my coffee.

POLO: (to the Coffee Princess) Hey we have class today.

COFFEE PRINCESS: For the love of God will you please just be quiet until I finish my coffee!?

Jason, Polo, Rhiannon and Zarl just stare at him. They put their dishes in the sink and leave the room. Later on Polo and the Coffee Princess are sitting in lecture hall. They are busy finishing their final exam.

PROF. GJORN: Okay please pass your exams to the front of the rows. I wish you all good luck.

The class begins to leave.

POLO: Hey I'm going to go to the library to drop off books.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Maybe I'll catch up with you later, I'm going to go to Espresso Express and get a cup of coffee.

POLO: Okay.

At the Espresso Express, the Coffee Princess is looking for the girl that sits three rows behind and two seats to the left of him in composition class. He doesn't see her.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Can I get a French Hazelnut?

ALISS: Would you like whipped cream?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Yes.

ALISS: Two fifteen.

The Coffee Princess grabs his coffee and a newspaper and sits down at the table. Zarl runs into the shop and sits down next to the Coffee Princess.

ZARL: So are we having a party tonight?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Coffee. Remember? (using his index finger to point to the cup then to his temple)

ZARL: You and your whole coffee thing, it's a little crazy. I mean you won't even speak to people if you haven't had your coffee yet.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Exactly, and I'm not done with this cup yet, so leave me alone.

ZARL: Whatever, party tonight, nine o'clock, our house. So make sure you have your coffee.

Just as Zarl is leaving the Espresso Express, Kuhitsehya enters and sits down with the Coffee Princess.

KUHITSEHYA Hello caffeine addict.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I'm not an addict, I just happen to enjoy the taste of coffee, that's all.

KUHITSEHYA I see you in the morning. All ornery and dysfunctional. You should drink tea instead, it's much better for you.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Did you come here just to preach to me about the horrors of coffee or did you need something?

KUHITSEHYA Actually, I came in to get warm, it's starting to snow again.

COFFEE PRINCESS: (glancing outside) Great.

KUHITSEHYA Oh and I'm going to be at the house for all of break, so-

COFFEE PRINCESS: (interrupting) You are?

KUHITSEHYA Yeah, so if you want me to feed Sledgehammer I can.

COFFEE PRINCESS: No, Sledgehammer will be okay. I'm not going anywhere either. I got a lot of time scheduled at work.

KUHITSEHYA: Oh, so I guess it's just you and me.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I promise not to upset your muses.

KUHITSEHYA: (scowling) Whatever. I have to go grocery shopping with Rhiannon. Later.

Kuhitsehya leaves.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Later. (to himself) Great.

The Coffee Princess finishes his coffee and heads home. At the Butler Street Market.

RHIANNON: Do we need paper towels?

KUHITSEHYA: Yes. Ohh, brownie mix. (grabbing the box off the shelf)

RHIANNON: Rice, I know we need rice and I think we finished all the eggs the other night.

KUHITSEHYA: I need tea. The boys wrote down beer, pizza, bacon, chips, pretzels, and macaroni.

RHIANNON: Why do they need so much food? Aren't they all leaving for vacation?

KUHITSEHYA: Party.

RHIANNON: Oh. In that case I'll get some meat too. There's nothing like a big slab of greasy meat.

KUHITSEHYA: So today I stopped in at the Espresso Express and the Coffee Princess told me that he wasn't going anywhere for break either.

RHIANNON: Really? So all four of you are going to be around?

KUHITSEHYA: Four of us? Just me and the Coffee Princess, that's two. (putting frozen pizzas in the cart) Where did you get four?

RHIANNON: You, the Coffee Princess, Kordt and Natalia. (grabs a magazine and starts to read it)

KUHITSEHYA: Kordt and Natalia? Who the fuck is Natalia?

RHIANNON: Kordt's girlfriend from Holland.

Kuhitsehya groans and pushes the cart down the aisle.

KUHITSEHYA: I was hoping to get some painting done.

RHIANNON: (getting in the check out line) You're such a drama queen when it comes to your art. Besides, four people in the house is better than the normal nine.

Zarl, Jason and Marlyn are moving furniture in the house when the girls come home.

ZARL: Yeah, the girls are back with the food. Did you buy me Slinky pretzels?

RHIANNON: Yes, here (handing the bags to him) you can put all the stuff away.

Zarl grabs the bags and heads into the kitchen.

KUHITSEHYA: Is Kordt home? (hanging up her jacket)

MARLYN: He's in our room practicing.

Donovan comes home.

DONOVAN: What is going on? Why are you moving furniture and why is Sledgehammer out?

JASON: It's our ?first annual before everyone leaves for winter break party.'

MARLYN: He's our mascot tonight.

DONOVAN: I thought that was last night. (taking her wet boots off) Mascot?

JASON: Last night was ?last day of classes before winter break starts party.'

MARLYN: The theme is fuzzy little bunnies. I'm ?Bong hitting Bunny.'

DONOVAN: Oh, how appropriate, well I guess I have to bail on you guys this time. Kate and I are leaving tonight.

RHIANNON: Uh uh.

DONOVAN: Yep, a whole week in Morocco. I'm so excited.

JASON: (singing) I'm about to loose control and I think I like it.

DONOVAN: (walking down the hall) I better finish packing.

It's beginning to snow very heavily. The Coffee Princess' jeans are soaked up to his knees. He pulls his hood tighter to block the wind. He hears a faint voice behind him and turns around.

POLO: Hey!(running to catch up with the Coffee Princess)

COFFEE PRINCESS: I thought I heard someone. Can you believe this snow? Oh look (unzipping his jacket) I made flyers at work. I put a whole bunch up at the dorms and the pool halls.

POLO: Cool. (slips on the ice) Ugh!

They both start laughing.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Dumb ass! (helps him up) Oh my God, did you know Kuhitsehya is staying here for break.

POLO: So. (dusting the snow off himself)

COFFEE PRINCESS: So! I'm staying here too, I don't think I can handle her on my own. Her and her muses, the whole house is going to smell like paint.

POLO: Kuhitsehya isn't that bad. She just really gets into her art.

COFFEE PRINCESS: It's the principle. Kuhitsehya and me alone in the house. That will be interesting.

POLO: C'mon we're partying tonight.

In Kordt's room back at the house. Kordt is sitting on his bed playing the guitar, when Kuhitsehya knocks on his door.

KORDT: Come in.

KUHITSEHYA: Rhiannon told me that your having your girlfriend stay here over break.

KORDT: She's coming in from Holland.

KUHTISEYHA: Well I'm going to be painting so I don't want anyone to touch my paintings while their drying.

KORDT: Okay, but-

KUHITSEHYA: No buts, I have an art show the first week back from classes and I'm going to have stuff all over.

KORDT: Okay, but-

KUHITSEHYA: Don't eat my food either.

KORDT: Kuhitsehya! Natalia is only going to be in town for three days and she and I are staying at a bed and breakfast. So just chill, we're not even going to be here.

KUHTISEYHA: Oh. Well. Good. (she closes the door)

In Donovan and Rhiannon's room.

RHIANNON: I can't believe your going to Morocco. (sitting on the bed)

DONOVAN: I'm looking forward to getting away from the house for awhile.

RHIANNON: Lucky.

DONOVAN: Yeah, but I'm missing tonight's party. I have this feeling that something is going to happen. Hey do me a favor and keep people out of our room.

RHIANNON: Baby you got it.

DONOVAN: And don't smoke too much of that shit, either.

RHIANNON: Me?

DONOVAN: Whatever. I care that's all. Besides it clinically proven-

RHIANNON: Oh mom please stop, vacation has officially started. Let's not talk about it.

DONOVAN: So when you go home are you going to see Hollender?

RHIANNON: Yup.

DONOVAN: (gives her a strange glance) I don't know why you keep going back to him.

RHIANNON: I'd rather live in his world, than without him in mine.

DONOVAN: No comment.

RHIANNON: (to avoid the awkwardness) I'm gonna go see what the boys are doing.

Rhiannon leaves the room as Donovan continues to pack.

ZARL: Hey lets put the couch on the balcony, that way there'll be more room in here to dance.

JASON: It's too cold to sit on the balcony. Besides it's snowing and the Coffee Princess will have a fit if his couch gets wet.

ZARL: More keg room?

Marlyn and Jason shake their heads.

MARLYN: Wait and ask the Coffee Princess, it's his couch.

ZARL: But it's such a good idea, he won't mind. C'mon guys.

JASON: Damn Zarl, you whine like a little bitch.

Zarl begins to move the couch on his own. Polo and the Coffee Princess are heard walking up the stairs.

COFFEE PRINCESS: So, do you guys want to build a snowman? The snow is so- what are you doing to my couch?

ZARL: I was going to move it out to the balcony.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Why?

ZARL: So there's more room for the keg and to dance.

COFFEE PRINCESS: It'll get ruined out there. How about this, put the keg out there, that way it'll stay extra cold.

ZARL: Oh I guess.

MARLYN: So what were you guys saying? You built a snowman?

POLO: (still shaking the snow off himself) No, I was telling the Coffee Princess that we should build a snowman and make him hold a sign or something.

JASON: That sounds cool. How bad is it snowing?

RHIANNON: You guys are building a snowman?

MARYLN: Wait! Let's build a snow rabbit smokin' a blunt! It'll keep with the theme.

JASON: I knew there was a reason we let you move in here.

Marlyn, Jason and Zarl put their jackets on and go outside to build a snow rabbit.

POLO: Are you cooking something?

RHIANNON: Not that I know of. (sniffing the air)

COFFEE PRINCESS: Come to think of it, I smell something burning too.

They go into the kitchen. A pot is boiling.

RHIANNON: Who's cooking?

KUHITSEHYA: (comes running into the kitchen,) It's for my paint.

She turns the stove and takes the pot into her room.

COFFEE PRINCESS, POLO & RHIANNON: (exchange glances) Okay.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Just me and her for all of break.

RHIANNON: Won't Kordt be here too?

Donovan comes down the hall, dragging her suitcase behind her.

DONOVAN: Well I'm gone for the rest of the year. (to the Coffee Princess) Will you take this to my car for me?

COFFEE PRINCESS: (sighs) I suppose.

DONOVAN: Thanks. (hugging Rhiannon) Take care okay? I'll send the house a post card.

RHIANNON: I'm leaving tomorrow.

DONOVAN: Okay, I'm taking off before the snow gets any worse. I hope our flight isn't cancelled.

POLO: I doubt it. Go already.

DONOVAN: Okay, later. (begins heading for the front door then pauses,) Be careful tonight okay.

RHIANNON: Bye mom.

Donovan goes outside.

DONOVAN: Hey guys, have fun tonight.

JASON: Are you leaving now?

DONOVAN: Yup.

MARLYN: Buy me a souvenir or something. What do you think of our rabbit?

DONOVAN: Well, with all the snow you can't really tell what it is. Maybe you should try food coloring or something. Okay I gotta pick up Kate, see you later guys. (she gets in her car and leaves)

ZARL: Do we have food coloring?

JASON: No, but Kuhitsehya has every color paint imaginable.

MARLYN: Zarl, you go distract Kuhitsehya, Jason and I will get the paint.

ZARL: Okay.

The boys go inside. Polo, Kordt and Rhiannon are sitting in the living room, watching Jeopardy!, when Marlyn, Jason and Zarl come in.

ZARL: Kuhitsehya! Where are you baby?

RHIANNON: What's going on?

JASON: Shhh! We have a surprise but it won't be ready for awhile.

KORDT: Whatever it is don't tell me, she already yelled at me for just occupying the same space as her.

In Kuhitsehya's room.

ZARL: So will you a paint a picture just for me? I'll pay you.

KUHITSEHYA: You are gross, get out of here. Your dripping on everything too.

ZARL: Why do you always shut me out of your world, I'm trying to connect with you.

KUHITSEHYA: Get out of my way, I need to move this into the kitchen to dry.

ZARL: I'll help you.

KUHITSEHYA: No I don't want your greasy hands on my stuff.

ZARL: (holds his hands up so she can see) All clean I swear.

KUHITSEHYA: Will you leave me be if I let you help me?

ZARL: I guess I can go bother Polo or something.

KUHITSEHYA: Okay then, grab that end.

As Zarl and Kuhitsehya are moving her painting, he winks at everyone as the go through the living room. Jason and Marlyn run into Kuhitsehya's room grab some paint, then run outside.

ZARL: (as he's putting the canvas down) You know Kuhitsehya, this is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. I think your in danger of graduating. (he puts his gloves back on and leaves)

Kuhitsehya walks back into the living room.

KORDT: Who is Woodstock.

KUHITSEHYA: Is Zarl up to something?

POLO: (not taking his eyes off the screen) What is the Blue Danube. Zarl is always up to something. I hope your not going to leave that in the kitchen. It won't exist by the end of the night.

KUHITSEHYA: Your stupid parties.

POLO: Spider will be there.

KUHITSEHYA: (pauses) I don't care I have work to do. (goes back into her room)

RHIANNON: It's not obvious that she likes Spider or anything.

Jason runs into the room.

JASON: The mighty snow rabbit is finished, come see.

Kordt, Rhiannon and Polo run to the front door.

MARLYN: We call it, dramatic pause, Sledgehammer II.

KORDT: How did you get all the colors.

KUHITSEHYA: (is heard yelling from in her bedroom) Zarl!

POLO: I guess we know.

Kuhitsehya runs outside.

KUHITSEHYA: You fucks! Give me my paints back.

ZARL: We did it for you Kuhitsehya.

KUHITSEHYA: Oh yeah? Well this is for you!

Kuhitsehya begins stomping on Sledgehammer II until there's nothing left but a pile of colored slush. She makes a snow ball and nails Zarl in the face, then storms back inside the house.

RHIANNON: Well it was cool while it lasted. Come on guys lets start cooking.

ZARL: Marlyn and I will go get the kegs.

Those two get in Marlyn's truck and go to the liquor store. The rest brush snow off themselves and go in the house.

JASON: I didn't think she'd get so mad. It's not like we ruined her paint or anything. We barely used any of it. Gosh.

KORDT: She's just nervous about her competition next semester. She's been yelling at everyone.

KUHITSEHYA: I hear you!

Polo, Jason, Kordt, Rhiannon are in the kitchen preparing the food for the big party.

KORDT: Well chopping vegetables is about all I can do, you guys are better off with out me here. I'm going to go practice for awhile.

He retreats to his bedroom. The Coffee Princess enters the room.

JASON: Ya know (to the Coffee Princess) you have the ability to just disappear without anyone noticing. Where did you go?

COFFEE PRINCESS: I went to put the rest of the flyers on the neighbors doors.

POLO: Oh well I guess that's a good enough excuse to bail on cooking.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I'll make the coffee.

RHIANNON: Oh shit!

JASON: What's wrong? Burn yourself?

RHIANNON: I'm sorry, I finished all your coffee and I forgot to buy more. You can use the rest of mine. (giving a cheesy fake smile)

COFFEE PRINCESS What kind is it?

RHIANNON: Taster's Choice.

COFFEE PRINCESS: (sighs) No thanks, I guess the beer will do for tonight.

RHIANNON: I'm sorry.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Why do you always drink my coffee instead of yours?

RHIANNON: Yours is better.

POLO: That's for sure, I mean Taster's Choice has cool commercials and all but it tastes like crap.

RHIANNON: I'll buy you some before I leave, I swear.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Don't worry about it. (leaves the kitchen)

JASON: That was pretty low Rhiannon. You might as well as served Sledgehammer for dinner. You know how he gets about his coffee.

RHIANNON: I didn't do it on purpose.

Marlyn and Zarl return with the kegs.

ZARL: There's nothing quiet like beer.

MARLYN: (to Zarl) Go get your tapper.

Zarl is pumping away at the keg. The house is packed, people are everywhere dancing, drinking, playing video games, smoking. Kuhitsehya is in her room talking to Spider.

SPIDER: This one is really cool (pointing to a sketch in a notebook) you should definitely do some more sketching. I mean the paintings are cool, but this is awesome, the shadows and all. I can't capture all the feeling you do.

KUHITSEHYA: Maybe, but I can't sculpt to save my life.

SPIDER: So are you guys looking for anymore roommates?

KUHITSEHYA: Ugh! I hope not, nine is enough.

SPIDER: No way, the more the merrier, right?

There is a knock on the door.

POLO: Hey Kuhitsehya? (opening the door slowly, his hand is covering his eyes)

SPIDER: It's cool Po.

POLO: I know that you're really pissed off about your paint and stuff, but do you think we could whip up a bullseye for us?

RHIANNON: (running into the room) Oh please don't.

SPIDER: What are you planning?

POLO: The drunken pee contest.

SPIDER: No way! Who's in?

POLO: So far, me, Jason, Zarl, Porter and Shaggy.

KUHITSEHYA: That is so gross, you guys aren't really doing that are you?

SPIDER: C'mon Kuh, it's like a winter tradition. (gets down on one knee and begs) Please make us a target.

KUHITSEHYA: Oh okay.

SPIDER: (kisses her on the check and runs out of the room) I guess I need some more beer then.

Rhiannon gives Kuhitsehya a strange look.

RHIANNON: You are soooo easy when it comes to Spider.

KUHITSEHYA: Shut up, you're disturbing my muses.

Rhiannon rolls her eyes and leaves the room. The party carries on throughout the night. Many a folk are passed out on the floor. Rhiannon is the only person awake in the house. She is finishing up her packing.

RHIANNON: (gently shaking Marlyn) Hey, Marlyn.

MARLYN: Mrmmmph.

RHIANNON: Hey, I'm taking off, I'll be back in a week. You told me to wake you before I left, it's about five o'clock.

MARLYN: Okay.

RHIANNON: Okay? Okay then. Bye.

Marlyn sleeps for another fifteen minutes.

MARLYN: Oh shit! (jumps off the floor) Oh shit. (waking people up) Hey man you guys got to go. (finding Zarl) Hey man, get up. We got to leave soon. Hey you get the hell out of my house.

Guests begin to leave as well as the roommates until only the Coffee Princess and Kuhitsehya are sleeping in their bedrooms. The Coffee Princess is awaken by noises in the kitchen. He gets out of bed and gets ready for work.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I don't suppose you made any coffee did you? (fixing his tie)

KUHITSEHYA: I don't drink that stuff.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Damn, I'm late for work already.

KUHITSEHYA: Then leave already.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Good morning to you too.

He grabs his jacket and runs out the door. It's snowing very hard and the plow has yet to pass. He tries to start his car but it won't turn over. He gets out of the car and throws a fit.

COFFEE PRINCESS: (talking to himself) Dammit, I hate this car! (kicking the tires) No coffee, snowing like crazy, already late, cold as fuck!

He turns up the collar on his jacket and begins to trudge through the snow. Because it is winter break on campus, nobody has bothered to shovel the sidewalks. The snow is up to his ankles.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Feet wet, no coffee, hung over.

He finally gets to work, his Dockers khaki pants are soaked up to his knees. There is only one other person in the copy shop.

PORTER: Dude I'm so glad you're here.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Is there any coffee?

PORTER: No we're out, but come look at this. This light keeps blinking on the machine and I don't know what it means.

COFFEE PRINCESS: It means add toner.

PORTER: Oh. Okay.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Has anyone come in today?

PORTER: No, I think it's because of the snow.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Really? I thought it might have been the lack of toner.

PORTER: How would they know that?

COFFEE PRINCESS: I'm going to go check in back for some coffee.

PORTER: Okay, but hey wait, how do you put toner in the machine?

The Coffee Princess rolls his eyes and sighs. In the back room he begins opening all the cabinets in search of coffee. He checks the refrigerator, the bathroom, the paper stock room. He starts opening every box he sees.

COFFEE PRINCESS: There's got to be some coffee in here somewhere!

In the front of the store a girl walks in carrying a folder. She is wearing a brown coat, the hood has a faux fur trim. Her black boots lace all the way up to her knees. She is holding a Styrofoam cup and steam is coming up from the top. Porter is trying to figure out how to put the toner in the machine. She clears her throat to get his attention.

PORTER: Oh hey.

NICHOLE: Hi. I need to make a few copies.

PORTER: Alright, well this is a copy shop.

NICHOLE: I know that's why I came here.

PORTER: Oh. It's really snowing out there huh?

NICHOLE: It's awful, but I'm leaving to go back to Tucson tonight, I just have to make it through the day.

PORTER: Hey I have friends in New Mexico.

NICHOLE: (gives him a confused look) Okay well anyway I want to make a couple of copies of this story I was working on. So I just need to use the regular old copy machine.

PORTER: Okay, um this one is (trying to hide the toner behind his back) out of order. Let me get my service person to fix this.

Porter runs to the back room. The Coffee Princess is still searching like crazy.

PORTER: I'm so glad I found you.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Where else would I go?

PORTER: Dude there's this girl out front and she wants to make copies.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Well we are a copy shop.

PORTER: Yeah, but (holds up the toner cartridge and has a desperate look on his face)

COFFEE PRINCESS I'll fix it.

He grabs the cartridge and walks to the front of the store. He walks over to the machine and put the toner cartridge in.

COFFEE PRINCESS: (to Nichole) I'll have this ready in just a second.

NICHOLE: Great, thanks.

The Coffee Princess looks up and sees who it is. It's her. The girl who sat three rows behind and two seats to the left of him in composition class. He froze and just stared at her.

NICHOLE: I'm so glad you're here. (she grabs his hand) What would I do without you? Do you know how badly I need these copies? Your a life a saver.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I can cook too.

NICHOLE: Would you like a sip of my steaming hot fancy gourmet coffee?

He begins to tremble, and takes a sip.

NICHOLE: Oh look you got some froth on your lip, let me lick that off for you.

PORTER: Hey dude it stopped blinking.

The Coffee Princess snaps to attention.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Oh, uh. Yeah, just needed some toner.

The door opens again and lets a cold blast of air and a big flurry of snow into the shop.

HAX: CP! I have an emergency.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Hax, I told you like ten times I can't let you photo copy your body.

Porter and Nichole exchange looks.

HAX: But it's art.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I said no.

HAX: Well maybe just my hands.

PORTER: Maybe just pieces of your body that you don't have to undress for.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Don't encourage him. Besides that's (pointing to the machine Nichole was using) the only machine that working right now.

HAX: That's okay, I'll wait. (he hops up and sits on the counter)

COFFEE PRINCESS: Hey get down.

HAX: What is your problem, like anyone is going to care.

The Coffee Princess sighs, he goes behind the counter and turns the radio on, to drown out the sound of the copier.

HAX: I know, can I get online?

PORTER: Oh that's what I forgot to do, turn the computers on.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Uh, this is not my day.

PORTER: This is great, nobody is on campus, we don't have to do anything.

COFFEE PRINCESS: My roommates drank all my coffee, I have a hangover, my car wouldn't start, my Dockers khakis are wet from walking in the snow and I'm stuck with Kuhitsehya for all of winter break.

Nichole finishes copying her story and walks up to the counter where the boys are. She sets the Styrofoam cup down on the counter and begins to dig in her purse.

NICHOLE: Okay so how much do I owe?

Porter straightens up and runs over to the cash register. The Coffee Princess notices her cup. It grows larger and larger, the steam is filling up the shop, and the aroma fills his nostrils. Suddenly the snow begins to fall harder and faster. It snows so much the windows are covered.

NICHOLE: Oh no, how will I get home now?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Maybe you should stay here until the snow stops.

NICHOLE: What a great idea, maybe we could share my fancy gourmet coffee. (holding the cup out for him)

PORTER: That'll be five even.

Snapping back into reality.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Is that coffee? (to Nichole)

NICHOLE: No, actually (handing Porter money) it's hot chocolate. Thanks guys have a good break.

She leaves the shop. The Coffee Princess watches her until she rounds the corner.

HAX: So can I use the copier now?

COFFEE PRINCESS: What ever. Just clean the glass when you're done.

The day drags on, no one else comes in the shop. The Coffee Princess spends most of the day building his website. It never stops snowing and at the end of the day he must walk home in the snow.

PORTER: Okay CP, so I'll see ya' tomorrow right?

They lock up the shop and leave. As he's walking home he notices the snow getting thicker. He tries to catch snow flakes on his tongue. The majority of the stores are closed, he checks his watch and notices it's only seven thirty. He puts it in the back of his mind and continues walking. Finally he reaches his house, the door is unlocked, as he enters he can smell paint fumes. Kuhitsehya has painting all over the house. The Coffee Princess sighs.

KUHITSEHYA: Are you home?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Hey Kuhitsehya.

KUHITSEHYA: I thought you'd stay.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Huh? (walking to his room) What the fuck?

There are paintings all over his room.

KUHITSEHYA: I thought, you weren't coming home.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Why wouldn't I come home? I live here. And why is all this crap in my room?

KUHITSEHYA: The city declared a snow emergency. Everything is shut down. I needed some extra space to dry my paintings.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I'm not in the mood for any of this. (picking up her paintings)

KUHITSEHYA: What are you doing? Put those down. You're going to smudge them.

COFFEE PRINCESS: No, (setting them out on the patio) I told you I would stay out of your way for winter break but now you're invading my space. I haven't had coffee in a day and a half , I have to work with idiots, my car died, and I'm soaking wet from walking in the snow. Keep this crap out of here.

He slams his bedroom door shut and turns his radio on. Sledgehammer hops out from under the bed. The Coffee Princess picks him up.

COFFEE PRINCESS: You don't have any coffee do you?

Sledgehammer just twitches his nose. The Coffee Princess falls onto his bed and falls asleep. His radio alarm wakes him up. Sledgehammer is stretched out next to him. He gets out of bed and opens the curtains, the windows are covered with a thick layer of ice.

SPEED DEMON: This is the Speed Demon coming at you with the morning show. Right now we'll do the weather update. What can I say people its cold, its snowing and the snow emergency continues. Don't you love living in Wisconsin. So my latest update that I just received here says that a couple of gas stations off the interstate, the hospital, of course that and the Food House are open. Well actually the Food House will be open until three p.m. So there you are and the rest of you sit at home and wait for your cable to go out.

The Coffee Princess turns the radio off and puts a CD in. He prepares some food for Sledgehammer then heads for the shower. He comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel around his waist and one around his head. The house is dark and smells of paint. He throws on some sweats and heads for the kitchen. He notices that there isn't much food left in the refrigerator only a tub of margarine, a bottle of pickles, half a loaf of bread and a squeezable bottle of ketchup remain.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Need coffee. (rubbing his face) There's got to be some left somewhere.

Kuhitsehya enters the kitchen.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Do you know if there's any coffee? Oh wait (excited) Rhiannon left some of hers.

He opens the cupboard and begins rummaging around.

KUHITSEHYA: Marlyn finished it yesterday.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Nooooooo! Oh my God! I'm so going to the Food House.

He runs back into his room to get dressed. He grabs his Oingo Boingo sweatshirt, and begins looking for his shoes. He finds one boot in the closet but the other seems to be missing. He looks under the bed. Sledgehammer has the boot shoved up against the wall.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Sledgehammer!

Sledgehammer looks at him and hops out from under the bed.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Silly rabbit boots are for people.

He puts Sledgehammer on the bed, grabs his jacket and wallet and heads out. He digs his car out of the snow, gets in and tries to start it. It cranks but doesn't turn over.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Please God, I beg of you, if I could please get some coffee, I will change my ways. I'll be nice to Kuhitsehya, I won't make unauthorized copies at work. I'll clean the apartment, I'll fast for lent and I'll donate to the United Christian Fund.

He tries to start the car. It still won't start. He gets out of the car and goes back in the house.

COFFEE PRINCESS: All I want is some coffee.

KUHITSEHYA: I thought you left?

COFFEE PRINCESS: Leave me alone child o' Satan, I'm a man in desperate need of coffee.

She just scowls at him and goes back into her room. The Coffee Princess turns the play station on and tries playing for awhile. Sledgehammer comes out the room to see what's going on and blocks the TV. The Coffee Princess' character dies.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Sledgehammer! Oh who cares, I can't play right without my coffee anyway. Mmm. Dark, hot, steamy, brown, almond cappuccino, raspberry mocha.Ugh! What a way to spend the holidays.

The Coffee Princess sits on his blue velveteen couch and stares out the window. Sledgehammer jumps up and sits in his lap.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Hey it looks, like the snow's starting to let up. (puts Sledgehammer on the floor) I'm going to try walking to the Food House.

Kuhitsehya enters the living room dragging a painting.

KUHITSEHYA: You are crazy to walk in the snow just for some silly coffee.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Not silly coffee, fancy gourmet coffee.

KUHITSEHYA: You can't walk to the Food House, it's only open until three p.m. and it's already two thirty p.m.

COFFEE PRINCESS: You just can't be optimistic about anything can you? Maybe I'm a power walker or something.

KUHITSEHYA: Stop being ridiculous. Come help me move my last painting.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Why should I?

KUHITSEHYA: Because men are supposed to do things like that.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Fine, whatever.

The Coffee Princess follows Kuhitsehya into her room.

KUHITSEHYA: Don't smudge the edges.

COFFEE PRINCESS: I won't.

The two drag the painting into the kitchen.

KUHITSEHYA: Thank you.

COFFEE PRINCESS: No problem. (sitting down at the table from exhaustion)

Kuhitsehya leaves the kitchen but promptly re enters holding a small package.

KUHITSEHYA: Here. (handing the package to the Coffee Princess)

COFFEE PRINCESS: What's this?

KUHITSEHYA: I am tired of listening to you whine about your caffeine addiction. This is for helping me.

The Coffee Princess opens it up to find a bag of French Hazelnut coffee.

COFFEE PRINCESS: Kuhitsehya! This is great. Thank you.

He jumps up and begins to prepare a cup.

COFFEE PRINCESS: How did you know what kind I liked?

KUHITSEHYA: That girl that you're always staring at, works at the Espresso Express. She said you like to order that kind.

The Coffee Princess, sits down and sips his coffee and silently thanks the girl that sit three rows behind and two seats to the left of him in composition class.

KUHITSEHYA: Merry Christmas. (exits the kitchen) and don't smudge my paintings.