95% of all zombie fatalities occur in the home.

Once you realize the city in under siege from the non living it’s good to have an escape/survival plan. Things to remember most people will be in shock and not know how to handle the situation, so it’s good to feed off their weakness. Don’t stop to warn the neighbors, don’t side track to check on friends. Decide one clear route that incorporates anyone you’ll need with you on your quest to continue mankind and stick to it. Be aware of places for supplies, Wal-Mart (preferably a Super Wal Mart), Bass Pro Shop (or other hunting/sporting store) & local lumber yard. These are packed with essential survival gear like food, clothes, medical supplies, weapons and barricade/reinforcement material all necessary to outlast the ghouls.

Try to find a safe place to set up survival camp. Now watching zombie movies of the past some places to avoid are: the mall, high rise living complexes, supermarkets, churches, school, cemeteries, haunted broken down carnivals and mansions were anyone was murdered. Also, zombies aren’t completely dumb they can form basic thoughts and even remember. So don’t make it a point to tell people about your great hiding place unless you know they’ll be able to survive and help you.

The hardest part of a zombie attack of course is fleeing. You will more than likely come across a zombie that wants to eat your warm functioning brains. Just remember the ONLY way to kill a zombie is to sever the spinal cord from the brain and then burn the remains in a big joyous bonfire. Baseball bats will work to keep them initially away but you’ll need something like a machete, sword or gun to really kill a zombie. Of course at some point the blades will dull and the bullets will run out so as long as you can crack a zombie’s skull open you’ll be okay. It seems harsh but they aren’t alive and don’t feel pain anyway. Soon you’ll get a sense of masochistic joy out of it.

You’ll want or need some type of help so again, only tell people you’ll want around, you won’t get sick of or have something valuable that you need (i.e. military combat training, chef, weapons expert, doctor…). I recommend to bring along a “fat” friend. One, they can fill up a doorway if zombies are hot on your heels. Two, if you simply need to sacrifice a member of your group, this person will feed more zombies than the lean work out friend. Three, depending on your planning you never know how long you’ll be hiding, you might need to resort to cannibalism, again, the plump person will offer more nutrients for the rest.

Another thing to remember is that regardless how hard you try, someone will fall behind and get bitten by a zombie. Don’t waste time trying to adminster medical aid, just go ahead and shoot them in the head and move on. They probably weren’t that great of a friend anyway if they allowed themselves to be conquered by a rather slow moving unliving thing with minimal brain power.

Often over looked is proper armor. Why oh why does everyone run around in tank tops? I imagine to show off their svelte bodies or maybe they really are hot but zombies always seem to bite extremities first so why not protect yourself with maybe combat boots, leather pants, helmets and gloves? You may risk looking very non hipster but if it prolongs your life for another day it may be worth it.

There is no guarantee these tips will help since we have yet to under go a true zombie invasion. Hopefully you’ll take them into consideration when the dead are attempting to drag you into hell with them. Good luck and don’t try to drag me down with you.

 

Zombie Emergency Necessities